Since my mom passed away in September, many emotions have been ebbing in and out of my heart. I know this is a normal part of the grieving process, so I am attempting to allow myself to feel each emotion as it comes. Along with all the emotions, comes the questions of what I could have done better. How many times I let my selfishness keep me from enjoying more time with my mom and doing more than I did for her. And hidden in the back of my mind and heart, are the questions about the things that came between us in the past. The growing up years.
Although the recent years of living with my mom brought us closer together, each of us learning to forgive and overlook weaknesses, these questions were lingering in my subconscious mind.
The other day I was thinking of my mother, and could feel her presence. I told her I was sorry for all the ways I let her down, and for not always being there for her in the way I should have been.
Instantaneously, I heard her voice. She said, “You did the best you could. And I did the best I could.”
Those words, simple as they were, really broke through to me. In this life, as humans, we will always fall short. No matter how much we love someone, and no matter how hard we try to do the right things…we will always fall short. I realized that my mom loved all of us so much all through the years, and she never stopped loving us. Even though she was the perfect mother for us, she was not perfect.
And neither am I.
And that is ok.
Dear Lord, thank you for shining your beautiful, healing, comforting light on our families. Thank you for filling our hearts with your love, and then touching those we love through our imperfections. Thank you for always working through us…even when we are unaware of your presence, or not “feeling it.” For it is in our weakness that your power is made perfect.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9