Since my mom passed away in September, many emotions have been ebbing in and out of my heart. I know this is a normal part of the grieving process, so I am attempting to allow myself to feel each emotion as it comes. Along with all the emotions, comes the questions of what I could have done better. How many times I let my selfishness keep me from enjoying more time with my mom and doing more than I did for her. And hidden in the back of my mind and heart, are the questions about the things that came between us in the past. The growing up years.
Although the recent years of living with my mom brought us closer together, each of us learning to forgive and overlook weaknesses, these questions were lingering in my subconscious mind.
The other day I was thinking of my mother, and could feel her presence. I told her I was sorry for all the ways I let her down, and for not always being there for her in the way I should have been.
Instantaneously, I heard her voice. She said, “You did the best you could. And I did the best I could.”
Those words, simple as they were, really broke through to me. In this life, as humans, we will always fall short. No matter how much we love someone, and no matter how hard we try to do the right things…we will always fall short. I realized that my mom loved all of us so much all through the years, and she never stopped loving us. Even though she was the perfect mother for us, she was not perfect.
And neither am I.
And that is ok.
Dear Lord, thank you for shining your beautiful, healing, comforting light on our families. Thank you for filling our hearts with your love, and then touching those we love through our imperfections. Thank you for always working through us…even when we are unaware of your presence, or not “feeling it.” For it is in our weakness that your power is made perfect.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
somebodylovesmeblog 
January 4, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Thank you Bernadette, for sharing so honestly. Grateful for the reminder to spend time with my mum and make it count. Take care, Suz.
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January 4, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Thank you, Suz, for stopping by. I believe we are interconnected, and our journeys are meant to be shared with each other. May God continue to bless you and keep you in His care.
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December 29, 2015 at 10:24 am
Bernadette, I just read this post and it is beautifully written and so timely! My mom is spending the holidays at our home and although she can’t get around as easily as she used to, she can be quite demanding at times. But God! And then of course, this wonderful post by you, my sweet friend from across the miles, serves to remind us all what matters most. Thank you for the reminder that as we try to do the best we can – time is fleeting, so we better make it good – or else, we’ll be left with nothing but regrets to mull over on the “what ifs.” No thank you! I’ve come too far and have made too many strives to turn back now. I will make each day count and appreciate those in it. Thank you for sharing your heart with us about your mother. Her memory is still alive! Thanking God for His grace in every situation for you and for me.
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December 29, 2015 at 11:06 am
Mary, thank you for your kind words! The Lord has His way of using ALL things for our good:-) I believe that our lives are interconnected and our personal journeys to Him (to Love) should be shared to give others help on their journeys.
I just finished reading your memoir “Running in Heels” and feel as though I know you and your family. May God continue to bless all of you with His love, peace and joy:-)
http://www.amazon.com/Running-Heels-Memoir-Grit-Grace/dp/1631250280 “Running in Heels” A Memoir of Grit and Grace
Love,
Bernadette
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December 11, 2015 at 1:12 pm
Thank you, Heidi.
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December 11, 2015 at 12:57 pm
I am sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing from your heart that loves your mom and Jesus. You are a blessing to those who read!
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December 9, 2015 at 6:09 pm
I love what you said, “Even though she was the perfect mother for us, she was not perfect.” I have grown to understand truly what that means regarding the loved ones in my life. I love your transparency & honesty with us through this time of struggle. Thank you for the reminder that I need to make the most of the time that I have with my mother & other loved ones.
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December 10, 2015 at 9:42 am
So happy that the Lord allows us to touch each others’ hearts and lives through our journeys. Yes, it is very important to appreciate and love all the people God places in our daily lives…especially our families. Unfortunately, many life lessons and truths are not fully understood and realized until we are forced to look back on our memories of the “moments.”
Thank you very much for stopping by and for the kind words. Blessings and love to you:-)
Bernadette
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December 1, 2015 at 4:03 pm
Yes, we all need to just let it go…heavy baggage holds us down where we can’t access the blessings God has in abundance for us:-)
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November 30, 2015 at 8:54 pm
Bernadette, I have carried guilt, regret and “I could have, should have” around for years. It only gets heavier with each passing year. I am learning to let go. For you so early on…don’t even pick up these negative weights. Doing the best you could is all you can do. It’s 100%. “Well done”…as Jesus would say.
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November 30, 2015 at 7:56 pm
You inspire me in so many ways, with each and every single one of these post! Hang in there Girl! You did do the “best you could,” you know? Find your peace right there, and let the regrets go when you are ready. Love you and God Bless, SR
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December 1, 2015 at 4:00 pm
Thank you SR! You and I are blessed and we will be fine:-)
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