somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.

One Year of Life Since…

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Mom with Baby Bernadette

Mom with Baby Bernadette

Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death.

Much has happened in that year’s time, including the birth of our first grandchild, and our move across country to be near him. There has been pain, suffering, fatigue, intense stress, confusion, and grief. However, there has also been a deepening of faith, excitement, joy, and a closeness with my mother that I never experienced before. I feel like her spirit, her heart, is one with mine. I can feel her presence all around me and feel her love for me, my sisters, and our whole family every day.

A few years ago, a friend of mine who lost her mom, told me that when you lose your mother, she is just “gone.” This friend did not have a close relationship with her mom before her death, however, when she shared those words with me, she had tears in her eyes. She was communicating her feeling of emptiness, and the reality that there would be no more stories, no more chances to ask her mom questions about her life and her experiences, no more chances to physically feel her mom’s love or to have the opportunity to show her mother how much she appreciated and loved her.

Sometimes we focus so much on ourselves and our own needs and pain, that we forget that our parents are human beings. They had a life before we were born, and had struggles and weaknesses to overcome just as we do. As we lived our lives and became more mature and “educated”, it was sometimes easy to overlook the lives of those closest to us, the ones who brought us into this world, and who loved us the most.  Many “eye-rolling” and “here we go again” moments…and many times, for legitimate reasons.

The love our parents showed us was the best they had to offer. Just as the love we showed them and to our own children, family and friends, was the best we had to offer at the time.

For we are all flawed. We are sinners.

I believe that when our loved ones die and are united with Jesus in heaven, and when our hearts are also open to Jesus, a connection is forged. The Communion of Saints.

That is what I am feeling very strongly from my mother. Especially today.   I know that sin and weakness no longer affects our relationship. We are joined in perfect love now, and nothing can take that truth away.

During this past year, many truths about my mom have been revealed to me. I would like to share some of them with you, in the chance that they may be of help to you. Such simple things that help to keep my heart filled with love and a smile.

 

How would I know:

That when you repeated the same stories over and over, you were sharing with us that these were some of your most treasured memories. At the time, it was frustrating to actively listen to those repeated stories over and over. In fact, I could repeat them word for word. However, now I feel so close to you when I remember those same stories, and imagine the scenes you described to me over the years of my life. You are helping me to know you and myself more and more each day, by understanding your life experiences.

That when you called me into your room each morning, or for special occasions, when I was rushing out the door, just to look at what I was wearing and how I looked for the day, that you were missing those “good old days” for yourself, and that it brought you much joy to see me “dressing up”, wearing make up, getting my hair done, wearing jewelry…and going out into the world.   You were living your memories through me and my life, and were sincerely happy for me…always telling me that I looked beautiful. Even when I didn’t feel beautiful, I saw my beauty through your eyes.

That when you requested certain foods or things during holidays or seasons, and they sat uneaten or unused, that you were reliving a time and season way past…from your growing up years, to your times with dad and our family life. It wasn’t the things themselves that were important to you; it was the connection, the memories associated with those things. Many things come to mind. Ribbon candy, Easter peeps, filled chocolate Easter eggs, jelly beans, candy corn, embroidery kits, Barbies, baby dolls, beanie babies. Also jewelry, red lipstick and nail polish, and your favorite fragrance, “White Shoulders.”

I have been wearing “White Shoulders” all week in memory of your last week here on earth. The connection between us, and the beauty during that painful and precious time will always astound me and fill my heart. I never thought that death could be beautiful, however, your passing from this world to the arms of Jesus was inspiring to me. You grew older gracefully with humility; and with a trusting heart, let go of us and the world to reach out to your next adventure.

Thank you for trusting me with your life during the time you lived with Joe and me, and thank you for loving and trusting me with your very life at the end.

It is an honor and privilege to be your daughter. I will always feel you with me, and will always strive to have your faith, humility, love and forgiving spirit.

Rest in the peace and light of the Lord, Mom! I love you.

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/spiritnot-personality/

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/09/29/remembering-my-mother-mary/

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “One Year of Life Since…

  1. Thinking of you today as you remember and celebrate your mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful Berni. Missing your posts, but this one is an amazing tribute to you and your beautiful Mom.
    Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Pam. With all of the stress that came along in the last year, including the preparation and sale of our home, our move, and now getting settled in our new home across the country, I haven’t been able to get back into my “groove” yet. Slowly, it is feeling more like “home” here, and I look forward to getting back to writing and sharing.
      Love you guys so much!

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  3. Your blog is one of the very few that I read. I am blessed today reading about your relationship with your mother. I was very close to my mother, too, and although it’s been almost 9 years since she left this place to be with the Lord Jesus, I still miss her every day. To honor her, I’m editing one of her many biblical novels, and hope to have it published in the near future. God bless you. What a hope we have to one day, not only to be reunited with our loved ones, but to be in the presence of our Savior…for all eternity!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much for your kind words and support. What a beautiful and meaningful way to honor your mom.
      Amen…we can be assured that we will be reunited with each other and with Jesus for eternity:-)

      May God continue to bless you!
      Bernadette

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  4. This is so precious and the wonderful memories you have. I know she and your dad are watching over you all. Love ya 💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Repeated stories, wearing White Shoulders, reliving being young by watching you….these thoughts resonate with me on so many levels. Not only for my grandmother and mom….and watching myself head into that season of life. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Karen, thanks for your comment. I know what you mean…my mom learned so much from her mother about kindness, humility, and she was also present with her mom in her last hours of life, where my grandmother saw family members (who were passed away) coming to greet her to guide her to Jesus. My mom was assured in her faith in Jesus, and she had experienced visions in the last year of her life, where she saw Jesus and Mary. She would even describe to me the way Jesus looked, and the clothes he wore when He came to her. My mom would call to Him all the time, even when on her way to the bathroom when it was such a struggle. She told me that every time she called out to Him, He was RIGHT THERE with her, and she could see Him.

    Before my mother in law’s death, she saw angels.

    I thank God that I had the opportunity to be shown such faith, and my prayer is that the Lord will be revealed to my loved ones, and all that need help in their faith, through my faith and experiences. I pray the the Holy Spirit works through me as a vessel.

    May God bless you and keep you in His care:-)
    Bernadette

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  7. Love and condolences, Bernadette.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This made me cry real tears from my heart! Thank you. My Mom is 88 and amazing. I spent the day with her yesterday and some of those same stories came up…after reading this I know how lucky I am and when I see her next I am going to act like I am hearing the stories for the first time!!!
    Blessings and love to you ♡♡♡

    Liked by 1 person

    • So happy you were touched by my experiences and personal enlightenment:-) I would try to ask my mom different questions regarding the stories…sometimes she gave me more insight and sometimes she didn’t. I had to keep reminding myself how important it was to her to share those stories with us, and the importance the experience’s imprint made on her.

      In the last months of her life she started to have nightmares and she would call out to me. We would talk about them together…I think she was remembering and/or coming to terms with things that happened in her past. What a privilege and blessing to be there with her:-)

      God bless you and your mom…and your relationship. Sending lots of love your way.
      Bernadette

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      • Again you brought tears to my eyes, Bernadette! Thank you so much. Sometimes we can get caught in the pressures of life and maybe not realize the importance of things. I will cherish every word my Mom says no matter how many times I’ve heard it…I mean it. There is a vulnerability I sense in her now and I want to make sure that she feels safe and loved. I’m happy for you that you got to have such an incredible relationship with your Mom…trust me…she knows and it was so special to her! Sweet blessings to you! ♡

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Sincere condolences on losing your mother. This is a moving tribute full of love. I enjoyed reading it and relate fully. My moms signature fragrance was Beautiful by Estée Lauder. I got some for Christmas so I can think of my late mom each time I wear it. The fragrance brings her near. Happy to see I’m in good company! Thank you for following my Healing Writer blog. Bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. There is no way to explain the loss of a mother…it is a void that will always be there. However, our mothers live on, in us and through us…touching the world around us with their love. May God bless you!
      Bernadette

      Liked by 1 person

      • True, the void remains but I can say that after 13 yrs (far sooner), the void stops hurting. I learned to go on without her and hope for joyful reunion in heaven. When I see her photo, I no longer cry. Just smile and go on. Time heals. Hugs! Kathryne

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Bun,
    That what you wrote was nice! I know what you mean where you mentioned that you were at peace, since you knew mom was with Jesus, but it doesn’t take away the pain; :-(((!!!

    Love and Prayers to ALL of you,
    Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lisa, The pain and struggle of grief is a reality for all of us when we lose someone that we love. It is a process of letting go and trusting God. And also, a process of allowing ourselves to feel all the feelings as they come. Always be comforted in the knowledge that you are loved by your family (and friends) and that you are being prayed for. I pray for you in my daily prayers and each time I pray the rosary:-) I love you!

      Like

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