somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.

Rest in the Love of Jesus

26 Comments

There are many reasons that I could give to explain why I haven’t written a post for such a long time.  However, this is what sums it up:

The facade of my life that I unknowingly created in my own mind was demolished.  This devastated me, and I am still processing what it means to be me.

I thought that I dealt with each life event as they happened…but I didn’t, all the way back to my childhood.  What I did was put all of it on the back burner, thinking that I could go on with my life without actually feeling the pain, confusion, disappointment or anger that was simmering inside of me, just below the surface.  Because, I have so many wonderful blessings in my life…why couldn’t I just focus on those blessings?  What was wrong with me, what was that gnawing feeling down deep that there was more to me than I was willing to acknowledge?

The last few years were extremely difficult for me: 

My sons and their wives moved across country…something I never, ever envisioned happening to our family.

My mom passed away after living with my husband and me for over ten years.  The stress of being responsible for her health and happiness, and then sharing in her dying process through hospice in our home, was overwhelming.  As I started to grieve for her, I realized that I never truly grieved or faced the death of my father years ago. And both of those grief processes are very complicated.

Making the decision to move cross country to be near our new grandson, and my oldest son and daughter in law.  That meant leaving friends, family, and our beautiful home in Virginia.  Which also meant downsizing about 75 percent of our belongings, and moving into a much smaller condo in California.  As I sold and gave away so many things that had been a part of my life for so long, I kind of put blinders on, and pushed all my feelings to the side.  I did the exact same thing regarding my friends and family that I would be moving away from.  How else could I have made that move?  I literally numbed myself without even realizing it.

Then I started a job at an assisted living community.  I work reception, and have fallen in love with many of the residents and their families.  Although I love the people, and the relationships, something else started to happen to me.  I started suffering anxiety/panic attacks, and I did not understand why.

Evidently, God isn’t through with me yet.  More and more dark layers are being peeled away from my heart.  I am facing demons that have lied to me for many, many years.  And once again, Jesus is helping me to heal gently.  I want it all to be gone NOW, however, He knows the timing…He knows what remains hidden inside of me.

One of the reasons that I haven’t posted in such a long time, is that I don’t have all the answers.  However, I know now that it’s ok not to have the answers.  Jesus has been there each and every minute of my life. He knows The Truth…He knows my true soul and my true self.  My life is in His hands, and I trust where He is leading me.

He is there for all of us…in our joy, sadness, sin, anger, confusion, grief, and pain. When we truly accept that, we can stop trying to control everything and everyone in our lives, and we can rest in the love of Jesus.  And we will come closer and closer to understanding “what it means to be me.”

 

 

 

 

 

26 thoughts on “Rest in the Love of Jesus

  1. How good to see your post pop up. I missed you and wondered often how you are. Just today I started reading a book called “Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber. It’s so good. I think I was suppose to tell you about it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes, I’ve missed your posts, but everything you shared makes sense. I too have had a lot of life changes that prevented me from blogging as much as I’d like. Interesting to hear that you and I are in that same season of life. Empty nest, decisions to downsize, becoming a grandma. I haven’t had panic attacks (although I have in the past) but a year ago I dealt with cardio issues. Makes you pause and regroup. You’re right. You don’t need to have the answers. Being vulnerable says a great deal. God bless

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes, you are right – definitely a time for us to pause and regroup. I thought this season of life would be a little easier, however life and love is never easy! Blessings and hugs to you and your family.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. So glad to have you back! You are amazing and I love you. God has beautiful plans for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad to see you wrote about your life changes. Welcome back, blogging friend! So many of us are in the midst of change, as well so know we are in this together. In the past two years, we sold our FL home & moved to NC, leaving our church, family and friends at the leading of Holy Spirit. Transition is challenging so I’ll be praying for you. Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I had been wondering about you and was happy to see your post! I haven’t posted in more than a year myself because of similar circumstances related to the care of my husband’s parents so what you wrote definitely resonated with me. Thanks so much for sharing this phase of your journey.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Dear friend, WELCOME BACK, we’ve missed you.

    I’m 75 and about two+ years ago God keep”telling me” that He wanted us (me and my bride of 52 years to sell our home in Florida , and move back to Ohio to help with the kid,grand-kids, and great grand-kids. …. Trust me; we know your pain.

    But it seems long ago now God taught me that either He is CHARGE of our lives, or we are, and the responsibility can’t be shared. So trusting in his Divine Providence, we sold our home to our Son (at a VERY-good price;) and moved into a trailer in Ohio to be near our daughter, and her part of our family.

    There are day’s of joy with the young ones; and trial with the older one’s. Through it all is the assurance that God being in Charge is surely testing us. (It;s been much harder on my bride than me; which deepens greatly my pain.

    Through it all is the knowledge that every trial is a part of the puzzle of the life God has planned for us. It is sufficient for me to know God loves me and has promised that the burdens He gives us are for us to keep asking asking ourselves; “Do we love God” more than anyone, or anything else? Yep, even my precious bride and the kids…. God has to be first. (Isaiah 43: verse 7 & 21)

    Know my friend that God LOVES you and is with you always.

    With faith, hope and love, you CAN and WILL get through this. And I KNOW that you are a very special child of God and have these theological-virtues;so your in good and loving hands. I have found it helpful to think about the lives of Mary and Joseph. …God DOES test those He loves the most; the MOST!

    Hugs and prayers,
    Patrick

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s great to be back, and to hear from my friends that I have missed. Thank you for your insights…there are many blessings in our lives, and spending time with our children and grandchildren are the hugest blessings for us.

      God is helping me to work through my inner struggles, and I have faith in Him, and that He works through all of his children. (even when they are unaware that they need work:-)

      With love and prayers, Bernadette

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Good to see you back online! Your post expressed feelings many go through. My siblings and I have discussed how when we lost our father it felt as if we lost our mother again, which you stated, as well. It felt like we were orphans, even at our very adult ages.

    You’ve been through so many losses and changes. Be good to yourself, friend, and remember God’s love and joy is in you, Looking forward to hearing more from you.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I have missed you! Thank you for such an honest and open post that I am sure speaks to the hearts of many of us who experience similar circumstances. You are such a good teacher. Although I am sorry to hear about your struggles, I am personally encouraged by the truth you shared that no matter what, we can rest in the love of Jesus. I needed to hear that today. May God bless you, dear one, as He continues to peal away the layers that are holding you back from living the freedom He died to give you, as painful as that process is. Keep us posted. Many of us will be praying for you.
    Connie

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Welcome back, Bernadette.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Thank you for your honesty Bernadette ~ It appears to have been a really tough time for you. Having experienced bereavement and the Empty nest experience too, can appreciate what a difficult time you’ve had … but each person’s grief is so individual. I’m sure looking back and forward you’ll be able to encourage others going through similar things. To move home as well is very brave! God bless, comfort and give you rest at this time. Welcome back!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Thank you, Suz! Friendship, community and love are always a comfort❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It is great to know we can always fall back into the arms of Jesus for comfort.
    God bless you💜

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Dear Aunty,

    It’s a privilege to read what you write, and missed you badly.. While, you are far ahead of me on the life journey… Losing a baby, Losing both my in laws within a span of one year, leaving a job, not sure of my purpose… I’ve been experiencing confusion and anxiety and the question that haunts me all the time is “Who am I” or “what it means to be me”. It’s a beautiful assurance to see that your trust in Jesus remains unchanged with changing situations. I’m so happy to have had the opportunity to read your post today. Thank you for sharing.. And Praying that your testimony encourages many others in their journey…

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Vinodhini, so sorry for all that you are going through. Prayers and hugs to you. Jesus is always with us, especially when we don’t feel like he is❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Greetings Bernadette, I also wanted to tell you how delighted I have been to see you posting again. I always appreciated your kind and insightful comments from earlier years. I also went silent for several years as I tried to figure out what was…off…about my approach to blogging, sharing this journey with others. I look forward to continuing our walk together.

    Jesus first, then all else, properly ordered, fully blessed,

    Mary Adrienne

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Welcome back to the blogosphere, Bernadette! I am so sorry you’ve suffered through grief and anxiety/panic attacks. Thank you for your honesty about what you’ve faced–God will honor that! And with your many friends here, I add my prayers for healing and a season of great freedom and deep contentment in this new chapter of your life.

    Like

  17. Oh those lying DEMONS! They have made my life hell also! What we have to remember is that indeed is what they are. LIARS! And Jesus? Jesus is TRUTH! Hope you are getting better. Love you and God Bless, SR

    Liked by 1 person

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