Hidden Things

As I make my way through Lent, my thoughts are drawn toward the light and mercy of Jesus.  What is hindering my relationship with Him…what is holding me back?

Fear is always what holds me back…but what is it that I am afraid of?

Maybe it is the unconscious fear of what lies within me.

I have always been the kind of person who prefers “controlled” light.  Curtains closed at the brightest times of the day, sheers that diffuse direct light, blinds raised and lowered to control exactly how much light enters the room.  All of that, because I do not want to see all the imperfection that is revealed when the sun shines through the windows unbridled.

I would rather live in my “happy place” where my home is just so, and everything is clean and tidy.

The light reveals stains on the couch, dust, and sometimes even cobwebs. It reveals the truth of reality.

I don’t want to acknowledge those hidden things…and would rather go through my life without seeing those things that I consider to be unattractive or damaged.  However, by always trying to camouflage  what is truly there, so much effort goes into the battle of constantly covering up the imperfections, that the issues are never resolved.

The issues, stains, imperfections and damage are always there. Some that we are aware of, and some that we are not.

When we make the choice to pull open the blinds of our heart, and invite Jesus to illuminate us, the Light reveals all…sins of our past and present, many that have remained buried, things that we never even remembered until revealed.  All of a sudden, we are made aware of how we have offended God in so many ways, and are reminded of the times we have hurt others or drew them into sin.  

The Light reveals truths that are unbearable to face…we can no longer camouflage the dirtiness of our souls.  This pure light forces us to face the truth of our unworthiness, and offers us a choice.

We can either acknowledge, confess and truly repent of our sins, which will free us to build a closer relationship with Christ in His mercy, or make the choice to continue living in darkness, which will keep us imprisoned.

I choose Christ. I choose mercy. And I choose the light of his love.

May God bless you during this Lenten Season.  Choose wisely.

 

Advertisement

The Reverence and Beauty of Worship

When I was a very young child, I experienced the beauty of the Traditional Catholic Latin Mass, and continued to remember all that was a part of that beauty throughout my life.

 

As the years went by, I missed the reverence of worship in the Mass, and some things that were being done at Masses did not sit right in my soul.  I did not understand how all of what I was seeing in different parishes were allowed to be inserted into The Holy Mass.  It was very confusing and troubling.

This Taylor Marshall podcast explains what has changed in the Holy Sacrifice of The Mass, and reminds us of the true reason for the Holy Mass and the Sacraments. I learned much from this interview, and pray that you might listen.  May God bless you and keep you in his care.

 

Look for the Pattern

Today, I came across this post that I wrote years ago, reminding me of God’s Love and Providence.  Know that He is there, especially when we are not aware of His Presence in our lives.  I hope these words touch your heart.

Ok, I have to admit, I absolutely love playing a popular online word scramble game.  The kind that shows a bunch of letters, and you have to find all the words that can be made out of those letters.  If you don’t find the big word that uses ALL the letters, you lose.

When playing this game, I learned that the key is moving the letters around until you can find a pattern.  Sometimes it is easy to spot the word, and it is a familiar one.  Other times, if you just keep looking for a pattern and try it out, the word is eventually found.

Many times I never even heard of the word that is revealed to me.  I just had to trust the logic of the letters.

While playing the other day, the thought hit me that our lives are like the word scramble game.

For me, so many years of my life were a scramble, and I could not see any purpose or connection of one day to the next.  I was floundering.  The mixed messages from life experiences, peer pressure, inner turmoil and what I was hearing at school and Church, were scrambling my ability to see, think, hear and know what the Truth was.

My day to day existence was more or less just hanging on to the belief that there IS a God, and He says that He loves me.  I prayed, attended Church, and even was very involved with our Church Community, however, inside, I was struggling.

In those years, there were joyful moments with my husband, family, and friends, especially once my sons were born.  However, there was always a deep pain and longing inside my heart and soul.  I did not know where that darkness and pain was coming from, and I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t making it go away.  I could not see where He was working in my life.

Much like the scrambled letters in my word game.

Faith, spiritual growth, and the eventual opening of my heart to the Love of Jesus, has been a long process.  For so many years I have been only looking for the familiar patterns in my life, thinking I would be able to figure things out and heal myself with self-help books and visits to therapists.  Yes, progress was made, and I was enlightened one small step at a time.  But I knew something was missing.

Then, my journey took a sharp, unexpected turn.  I began to meditate on the life of Jesus through praying the rosary.  (something I never believed in before)  I meditated on the pure trusting spirit and humility of the Mother of Jesus, and how much God the Father trusted His Son to her loving care.  I realized that since God is my Father, and Jesus is His Son, then Jesus is my brother….that would make Mary my mother.  A loving mother that wants only good for my life.  A mother who is constantly praying, interceding and leading me toward her Son. The more I prayed, the closer my relationship formed with Jesus, my Savior.  I finally began to understand, that although I always believed that Jesus is the Son of God, I did not have a relationship with Him.  I didn’t know Him.

Through the Holy Spirit, I was lead to pray in faith, and to read spiritual books instead of “self help” ones.  I was being enlightened to READ AND TRUST the Bible, instead of trusting the scrambled so called “wisdom” of the world.

My foundation is now a firm one, and my eyes, ears and heart are being opened, a little at a time.

My journey with Jesus is just beginning.  There are many dark places in my soul that I trust that the Holy Spirit is working on right at this moment.  Many events that have occurred that have been scrambled from my comprehension…

In the past, I thought God wasn’t answering my prayers, because I asked Him to reveal things relating to my memories, and it didn’t seem as though He was allowing that to happen.  I felt like I had a steel trap door that was blocking me from seeing things that would help me to progress in my spiritual/emotional well-being.  I thought these things because I was unable to see the truth and the pattern of my journey. In order to do that, I had to look at my life through different eyes….see through the “scramble” and start to move the events around, seeing the patterns emerge…

because the patterns/evidence of Christ in my life were there, and the answers were there, all along. 

You see, the key to understanding, in faith, that God is always with you and working His wonderful plan for your life, is like finding the big word, using all the letters, in the word scramble game.  If you don’t find that word, you lose the round, and have to start over.

If you don’t put your faith in Jesus, you will flounder because you will not be able to see His work in your life, and will not see the pattern of your life.

Now, when I look at my life, I can see the pattern… the fingerprint of God.  He was there all along.  He was there loving me tenderly when I was afraid, lonely, suffering, and living in spiritual darkness.  He was there when I reached for help.  He was there when I prayed, even when I did not fully believe.  He was there when I demanded that He heal my heart…when in selfishness and despair I wanted certain people in my life to “disappear”.  He was there when I hurt the ones I loved the most.  He was there in my dreams, revealing bits and pieces of the source of my pain…ever so gently.

The Lord desires for us to be happy, living in His Presence.  The  mission of our life will be revealed to us…just be ready…expect the unexpected.   You will not find Truth and Peace  in the world’s scramble .  You will find it in the revelation of God’s love for you and the special place you hold in His Kingdom.

Never give up…always look for the ways the Lord is leading you.  He will speak to you in ways you do not expect.   But He is always there.

May you be blessed in the total peace and love of our Savior.

Women’s History Month

So, I read a blogpost today that informed me that March is the official Women’s History Month.  I just so happen to be reading an amazing book regarding women…and the most  powerful woman that has ever lived.  

Have you ever wondered why most women are not happy in their lives?  They were told that they “could have it all,” (whatever that may mean) and they swallowed that lie…hook, line, and sinker.  Families are floundering, and actually torn apart. Women are attempting to find happiness where it is impossible to find, and men are confused as to what their role is.

People are confused and deceived.  There are not many who truly know their worth and understand what true happiness is.

We can see the unrest and loss of dignity in a world where everyone is led to believe that they must be selfish…that they must be happy every minute, and relationships and marriage only works when “I only do the things that I want to do,” and “I only want to do things that make me happy.”

Really? Is that truly where happiness and love reside…in a heart that only strives toward oneself?

When I look around and see the depression, numbness, anger, sadness, and bitterness all around me, in a world where we have the most material things that we could desire…homes, food, water, entertainment, online access, education…I have to wonder WHY.

I have had a book sitting on my bookshelf for awhile .  I picked it up the other day and started reading.

WOW, WOW, WOW. And WOW.

It describes all that is currently happening with women, men, families, and our country.  The author completely explains the steps that got us to this point, and the hows, whys and the whos that led us to where we are today.

Please pick up a copy of this book.  It will open your eyes to truths and facts that have been happening right in front of us…we were sucked in. Bit by bit.

It all sounded so great…having it all…until it didn’t.

We all kept trying to persevere…we must be doing it wrong!  Surely if we hang in there and do what “they” tell us to do, we will be happy.

Really?

The Anti-Mary Exposed Rescuing the Culture from Toxic Feminity by Carrie Gress  will change your perception of what “is.”  It will challenge you, and may be the perfect thing to read at the start of Lent. Or anytime that you are looking for Truth.  May God bless you in your search

https://tanbooks.com/products/books/life-family/women/the-anti-mary-exposed-rescuing-the-culture-from-toxic-femininity/?gclid=CjwKCAiApfeQBhAUEiwA7K_UH7wQxvks4DrT26Vz2jpvtmYRUDtwQmgyA0xkuxIC_sFAokwKkDYhyhoCMhYQAvD_BwE