Today, I came across this post that I wrote years ago, reminding me of God’s Love and Providence. Know that He is there, especially when we are not aware of His Presence in our lives. I hope these words touch your heart.
Ok, I have to admit, I absolutely love playing a popular online word scramble game. The kind that shows a bunch of letters, and you have to find all the words that can be made out of those letters. If you don’t find the big word that uses ALL the letters, you lose.
When playing this game, I learned that the key is moving the letters around until you can find a pattern. Sometimes it is easy to spot the word, and it is a familiar one. Other times, if you just keep looking for a pattern and try it out, the word is eventually found.
Many times I never even heard of the word that is revealed to me. I just had to trust the logic of the letters.
While playing the other day, the thought hit me that our lives are like the word scramble game.
For me, so many years of my life were a scramble, and I could not see any purpose or connection of one day to the next. I was floundering. The mixed messages from life experiences, peer pressure, inner turmoil and what I was hearing at school and Church, were scrambling my ability to see, think, hear and know what the Truth was.
My day to day existence was more or less just hanging on to the belief that there IS a God, and He says that He loves me. I prayed, attended Church, and even was very involved with our Church Community, however, inside, I was struggling.
In those years, there were joyful moments with my husband, family, and friends, especially once my sons were born. However, there was always a deep pain and longing inside my heart and soul. I did not know where that darkness and pain was coming from, and I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t making it go away. I could not see where He was working in my life.
Much like the scrambled letters in my word game.
Faith, spiritual growth, and the eventual opening of my heart to the Love of Jesus, has been a long process. For so many years I have been only looking for the familiar patterns in my life, thinking I would be able to figure things out and heal myself with self-help books and visits to therapists. Yes, progress was made, and I was enlightened one small step at a time. But I knew something was missing.
Then, my journey took a sharp, unexpected turn. I began to meditate on the life of Jesus through praying the rosary. (something I never believed in before) I meditated on the pure trusting spirit and humility of the Mother of Jesus, and how much God the Father trusted His Son to her loving care. I realized that since God is my Father, and Jesus is His Son, then Jesus is my brother….that would make Mary my mother. A loving mother that wants only good for my life. A mother who is constantly praying, interceding and leading me toward her Son. The more I prayed, the closer my relationship formed with Jesus, my Savior. I finally began to understand, that although I always believed that Jesus is the Son of God, I did not have a relationship with Him. I didn’t know Him.
Through the Holy Spirit, I was lead to pray in faith, and to read spiritual books instead of “self help” ones. I was being enlightened to READ AND TRUST the Bible, instead of trusting the scrambled so called “wisdom” of the world.
My foundation is now a firm one, and my eyes, ears and heart are being opened, a little at a time.
My journey with Jesus is just beginning. There are many dark places in my soul that I trust that the Holy Spirit is working on right at this moment. Many events that have occurred that have been scrambled from my comprehension…
In the past, I thought God wasn’t answering my prayers, because I asked Him to reveal things relating to my memories, and it didn’t seem as though He was allowing that to happen. I felt like I had a steel trap door that was blocking me from seeing things that would help me to progress in my spiritual/emotional well-being. I thought these things because I was unable to see the truth and the pattern of my journey. In order to do that, I had to look at my life through different eyes….see through the “scramble” and start to move the events around, seeing the patterns emerge…
because the patterns/evidence of Christ in my life were there, and the answers were there, all along.
You see, the key to understanding, in faith, that God is always with you and working His wonderful plan for your life, is like finding the big word, using all the letters, in the word scramble game. If you don’t find that word, you lose the round, and have to start over.
If you don’t put your faith in Jesus, you will flounder because you will not be able to see His work in your life, and will not see the pattern of your life.
Now, when I look at my life, I can see the pattern… the fingerprint of God. He was there all along. He was there loving me tenderly when I was afraid, lonely, suffering, and living in spiritual darkness. He was there when I reached for help. He was there when I prayed, even when I did not fully believe. He was there when I demanded that He heal my heart…when in selfishness and despair I wanted certain people in my life to “disappear”. He was there when I hurt the ones I loved the most. He was there in my dreams, revealing bits and pieces of the source of my pain…ever so gently.
The Lord desires for us to be happy, living in His Presence. The mission of our life will be revealed to us…just be ready…expect the unexpected. You will not find Truth and Peace in the world’s scramble . You will find it in the revelation of God’s love for you and the special place you hold in His Kingdom.
Never give up…always look for the ways the Lord is leading you. He will speak to you in ways you do not expect. But He is always there.
May you be blessed in the total peace and love of our Savior.