somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.

Missing my Mom

41 Comments

Out to Dinner
Bernadette and Mom

Today is my mother’s birthday.  She passed away seven years ago, at the age of 88.

I am really missing her today.

Due to the intricacies and craziness that weaved the fabric of our family, I did not feel close with my mother growing up.  I loved her because she was my mom.  She was always there in our home, making sure that we were safe and well fed.  She had her own issues that she suffered through her whole life, that I was completely oblivious to.  All I knew was that I loved her and she loved me…however, we did not know eachother’s hearts during those years.  Due to the dynamics of our family, that revolved around the care of my quadriplegic older sister, there were no long mother/daughter talks, lunches out, shopping excursions or anything else that I imagine mothers and daughters doing together.

All of that would change when my father passed away.  My mom was unable to live on her own, so my husband and I invited her to live with us.  After a little prodding by my hubby, she decided to move from Ohio to our Virgina home, and lived with us for about 11 years.  As I get older, I am more able to understand how difficult that decision must have been for her.  She had lived in that home, (and raised four daughters in it) for decades.  We helped her to sell her home, which meant giving away and throwing away most of the material things that were attached to her heart as memories.

Now looking back, my heart is opened up to the grace that my mom exhibited through the move, growing older, and living with my husband and me.  She was a bit of a hoarder, along with my dad, as they grew older and less able.  Although it was extremely hard for her, she allowed me and my sister to clean out her house, save the things that we knew she would want to keep, and then move her into our home.

That move changed everything.  Although I was secretly hoping for that “magical” mother and daughter relationship to develop, what I was blessed with was learning the reality of who my mother was, and I also learned so much about myself in the process.

Learning about and accepting yourself is more of a struggle than I ever realized…and the serendipity in that, is that learning about yourself usually leads you to learn about others.  Both my mom and I had layers upon layers to be peeled away.  Her layers were even more stubborn than mine, and many remained tightly shut.  I learned to respect that in her…and learned to love who she was instead of who I thought she should be.

So, Happy Birthday, Mom!  I wish you were here so we could share some of your Coconut Birthday Cake that you loved so much.  And I could watch your eyes light up while opening a new Barbie Doll for your collection, or your favorite body care lotions and sprays, or some sparkly piece of jewelry.  Small things brought you joy, and you passed that trait on to me.

I am remembering simple, sweet moments that we shared together.  At the time, I had no idea of the value of those moments.  But I think you did…and I thank you for being the mother that you were to me, and for the love that you shared with me and our family, in your own unique way.

Some of the moments that bring smiles to my heart:

You always praised my cooking and baking.  When even I knew it was pretty bad, you would say, “That was different!”

When we would shop at Costo while I was pushing you in your wheelchair and you were pushing a cart ahead of the wheelchair.  You would have me pile so many items in the cart that I could hardly see to navigate your chair.

You insisted on buying  a “Grabber” for me.  I fought you on it, because I was “not old and didn’t need one.”  I think of you each time I use that thing!

You always had childlike wonder during holidays.  You loved things that reminded you of years past…and the years of raising us girls.  Some of those things that brought you joy were Jelly Beans, Easter Peeps, Candy Corn, Ribbon Candy, Flowers, Wreaths, Candles…the list goes on.  Christmas music and Christmas cards.  I miss writing our cards together, and reading the little notes you added to your cards.

You always thought of others.  Little gifts for friends/loved ones.  Many prayers each day that you offered for so many.  I am sure those prayers saved me on more than one occasion.

I miss the way you looked up at me over your cute reading glasses, to ask me how my day at work was.

I miss the way you insisted on seeing my outfit when I was leaving for work or an event, and always complimenting me. (it was nice to hear even if I did not always feel that I looked the way you said I did!)

I miss your blue eyes, and the way they teared up at Mass.

I miss the way you talked about how much you loved all of us sisters, and our growing families.

I especially miss the way you overlooked all of my weaknesses and loved me as I am.

I miss the way YOU NEVER GAVE UP.

Mom, you are loved and missed.  Hopefully, you are able to see those of us that are still living in this world, and you can feel the love we carry in our hearts for you, through the veil of heaven and earth.

Rest in the Love of The Lord. Until we meet again…

1 Peter 3:4: “You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

Deuteronomy 4:9: “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Luke 2:51: “And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

41 thoughts on “Missing my Mom

  1. What a blessing those 11 years were for you and your mom and this is a beautiful tribute in memory of her, Bernadette.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes they were a blessing for sure. Although there were times that were difficult, the time together was healing and joy for my soul. She had a simple love and trust in God…and also a forgiving heart.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. beautiful photo of you both! happy birthday to your mom in heaven.

    Like

  3. Thinking of you as you remember and celebrate your mom.

    Lots of love, Mindy

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can fully relate to lessons I am still learning after both my parents are gone…

    Blessings
    BT

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a beautiful and sensitive tribute to your mom.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hugs to you for opening not only your home but your heart to your mother and showing to US…what a beautiful gift that can be. One in which we can continue to “unwrap” with time. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for reading and for the hug…they are always needed❤️

    Like

  8. Thanks for sharing a beautiful tribute to your dear mother. You were her ‘earth angel’!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This tribute to your mother (both the good and the trying times) is so beautifully expressed. I enjoyed your trip down memory lane and bravo for having the strength to delve into your life experience with her. Your mum came alive in the recollections and she was a wonderful lady. Bouquets to you. 💐

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m in tears.💗What a beautiful tribute to your mother. Praise God for the days He gave you together. He is so good! 💕💗

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Och ja … it is hard. The good things are becoming more and more precious. The things my mother hurt me with (words, or not words) I remember them but I don’t get angry about them anymore. I get to know her better after her death than before. It’s really weird; through old letters, photos. I miss her too.

    Thanks for your blog post. Digital hug for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I understand what you are saying…as time goes on, I understand my mom in a deeper way and miss her more…I realize that she struggled so much and experienced great trauma in her life. However, she never gave up. I have learned how strong and loving she really was. I once read that bonds get stronger with loved ones when they pass away because the issue of sin between you is removed.

      Like

  12. Thank you for sharing your heart. I love this story of you and your mom. In many ways, I could relate. I lost my mom as well and miss her dearly. Thank you again.
    Jamie

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for your kind words. As hard as it is…we will always miss them…at the same time they are in our hearts forever❤️

    Like

  14. Beautiful tribute to your mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I absolutely loved reading this. I lost my Mother 2 years ago from Breast Cancer. I wanted to start blogging because I rather express my thoughts through writing and share the grief that comes in waves. Anyway, reading this brought joy to my heart, HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings.

      So very sorry for the loss of your mother. It is an emptiness that is impossible to express fully. Our mothers live on through our hearts and will continue through to all the hearts WE touch❤️

      I am blessed that you found joy in reading our story.

      Sending love,
      Bernadette

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s