somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


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How Does Your World Change When Your Father is Gone?

How does your world change when your father has passed on, and is no longer with you?

“Papa Bill” with Grandson Joey

I cannot speak for all of you, for what your story is, or what you are feeling.  All I can do is share what my personal reality is…with the knowledge that as I continue to walk my journey, that reality may change.  As it has changed in the last fourteen years…since my father, Bill Makosky,  passed away.  To read my tribute to my dad, written a year after his death, click here.

When my father died, I went numb, and then into auto pilot.  So many things to do, so many people to interact with,  and so many reasons to stay strong for my mother and family.  Although my heart knew the grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that  lurked beneath the surface, I instinctively protected the depth of those feelings…and chose to reveal only a facade to the world around me.

My mother was alone after his death,  and needed to be with loved ones.  A year after my dad died, my husband and I  invited her to come live with us…which meant she had to make that very hard decision to leave all she knew, and the home that she and dad had lived in for most of their married life together.  She moved from the small town of Youngstown, OH, to Manassas, VA…which is essentially the crazy Washington D.C. area.  And my sisters and I, all did what we needed to do to help her purge most of what she owned, sell her home, (the home we all grew up in) and then move in with us.

Mom ended up living with us until her death, in 2015. During that time, I kind of took her lead, regarding her grieving the loss of my dad.  In the beginning, she talked about him a lot, and was kind of living in her own reality regarding the man he was.  It was obvious to me that they have always loved each other, through any storm that hit them or our family.  However, when she talked about him, refusing to aknowledge his weaknesses, or the way some of his words and actions affected my sisters and me, it touched a place inside of me that I could no longer ignore.  

Carefully, I would remind her that I grew up in our house, and I knew the truth.  As the years went by, she was more able to accept the goodness of my dad, and also the darkness that he harbored.  We were able to talk about it at times, and although we made that breakthrough, I focused mostly on my relationship with her, and kind of put the death of my father on the back burner.

That changed when my mom passed away, for then I was orphaned.  The foundation of our family, and the roots that connected us no longer existed.  No reasons left for me to gloss over the fact that my father is dead.  

He is gone. 

And I miss him very much!

How did my world change when my father passed on?  A few things come to mind…

No more “hi dads,” and “hi Buns” (he called me Bun) and seeing his face light up when he saw me and his grandsons.

No more seeing him at our door, carrying his paper, and anything else he decided to bring over…like coffee cake or donuts.

No more dad to call when my life was in turmoil…like when my marriage was young and stormy.  He would listen to my cries of anguish, then comfort and support me…while at the same time, never once uttering  a negative thing about Joe…my husband and his son in law.

No more dad to call when I was excited about something in our life, or when there were troubles or sadness.

No more father’s day cards or gifts to choose…or birthdays or holidays to celebrate together.

No more dinners together, and waiting for his reaction to the dishes I prepared.

No more arguments with him, and no more chances to view him from the eyes of one flawed adult to another…no more chances to pray for him, and for the healing of his hurting soul.

The world is still turning…hours, days, months, and years spin by.  And although it is a beautiful world, created and gifted to us to enjoy and treasure, I have finally come to the place where I feel the emptiness of being fatherless in this world.

It is a void that cannot be totally filled by memories.

However, my heart is miraculously filled with an intense love that includes the hearts of my mom and dad.  That love pierces through the pain and grief of losing our loved ones,  It is a love and warmth that could only come from the source of love itself...Our Heavenly Father.

May God bless you on Father’s Day, and each and every day that you are blessed to live and love, in this beautiful world!

 

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  Deuteronomy 5:16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Let Us Kneel Before the Lord

Yesterday, the daily devotional from “A Catholic Woman’s Book of Days”  really touched my heart.  

O come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!  Psalm 95:6

The author recounted a time when she took a group of high-school students to a retreat day at a Monastery.  Part of the day involved attendance at Mass.

Afterward, some students remarked that the experience had been different from Mass at their home parishes.  “Here, it was like the focus was all on God.  At home, it’s more like it’s all about us.

Wow.  Such insight from young minds.

For many years, I was the one who was sometimes bored, thinking that Mass was supposed to entertain me, or that it was meant as only a fellowship time with my Church friends.  If the music was “good,” and the homily was “catchy and interesting,” I considered myself “fed.”  Otherwise, I really just went through the motions, fulfilling my Sunday Mass obligation.

Then I read “The Lamb’s Supper” by Scott Hahn.

How misguided and totally selfish I was.   You see, the Mass is not intended to be of entertainment for us.  We can be entertained anywhere in this world.  The Mass is a gift offered to us…to share in the Eucharistic Table together, in humble worship of Our Lord and Savior.  How blessed we are, that we have been invited to share in this banquet feast…The Lamb’s Supper.

During Mass, we are led to turn our minds and hearts to Our Lord, Jesus.  We worship through hearing His Word, singing praises to Him, and receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus.  Through the Eucharist, Jesus becomes one with us. He is in us, and we are in Him.  What could be more spirit filling than actually receiving Jesus into our bodies…into our beings?

How does that miracle of love even remotely compare to being “entertained?”

When at Mass, we are in communion with The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  We are also accompanied by  God’s angels and saints.  The Communion of Saints…how mystical and beautiful!

How blessed we are to have a tangible way to be intimate with our Lord.  To be totally one with Him, and through Him.

Lord, I thank you for gifting us with your Church on Earth.  Thank you for inviting us to this Loving Banquet.  Please send your Holy Spirit to infuse our hearts, minds and will with your amazing and unfathomable love, joy, and mercy.

 

Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.  John 6:52-56

 

 

 


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Jesus People

There is a cute little house on the corner of our street that has an amazing sign in the front yard.  When I walk by I can’t help but “feel the love.”

The words that call out to me by my humble neighbors are “Pray for America…if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.  2 Chronicles 7:14

Being that we live in a mostly liberal college town…it takes a very strong believer to be willing to publicly profess what they stand for.  

A few weeks ago, I introduced myself to the owner of the home, and shared with him how thankful we are that he has the sign posted.  He said that there aren’t too many that share our faith in this community, and he appreciated my stopping by.  I let Him know that there are probably more of us around than we realize …however, most practice their faith in a quieter fashion.

So… today is a gorgeous, sunny  California day, so hubby and I took a walk to the library.  As we passed the “Pray for America”  sign, the next driveway was a busy yard sale.  We started talking with the woman who was the “seller” and I assumed she was the woman of the house with the sign.  I introduced myself, and I asked,  “Are you the one that posted the “Pray for America” sign?  She kind of stared at me in a blank way, and then blurted out, “No, those are “The Jesus People.”  She looked toward her neighbor’s house and kind of rolled her eyes a second before I jubilantly answered back, “Well, that’s awesome, because we are Jesus People too!”

At that point, she changed the subject.

My husband and I got a chuckle out of the encounter, and although she may not have the same belief/faith system we have, she was a nice woman and we enjoyed visiting with her.  But it got me thinking…

Do the people in our daily life look at us as “Jesus People?”  Do they know by the words that come out of our mouths, the way we carry ourselves, the entertainment we partake in?  Do they see Jesus in us through our love, kindness, charity, and mercy?  Do they see something different in us..different from what they are accustomed to according to world standards?  Do they see us standing firm as Christians?  Not afraid to profess our Faith in Jesus and our love for Him?

Or are we Christians in words only, and continue to live as the world does?

I pray that in my life, Jesus works through me as a vessel, and I am identified as one of “The Jesus People.”  For that would be a blessing and the most wonderful compliment I could ever receive:-)

 


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The Luminous Mysteries

This is the fourth in the series of “How Praying the Rosary Changed my Life.” Please click here for the background of how I was led to The Rosary, and also to learn about The Joyful, Sorrowful, and and Glorious  Mysteries.

Today I will cover the Luminous Mysteries, which are prayed on Thursday.

My prayer is that The Holy Spirit will open your heart to these great mysteries, and fill you with the love, joy, and peace of Our Lord, Jesus.

There are five meditations associated with the Luminous Mysteries. I will cover each one.

  1. The Baptism of Jesus  Matthew 3:13-17  (For the Desire to Live my Baptismal Promises)  Dear Lord, you did not need to be baptized…for you are God.  Thank you for submitting to your Father, and allowing John to baptize you.  How unworthy he must have felt.  However, you accepted his baptizing you, in total love and humility.  We hear our Father’s words, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”  Help me Lord, to follow in your foot steps.  Even though I am unworthy due to my sin, help me to always look to you to help me to live my baptismal promises.  To live my faith each and every day.
  2. The Wedding at Cana  John 2:1-11  (For the Desire to do Whatever Jesus Says)  Lord, thank you for performing your  first public miracle at the wedding in Cana.  The first thing I think of, is that you and your Mother were celebrating a holy marriage!  Imagine the wonder and joy of having God Himself in attendance of their wedding feast! Help me to understand that it was your Mother that informed you that there was no wine.  She interceded for the need of the wedding hosts, and when you answered that your time had not come…she proceeded to tell the servants to “Do whatever he tells you.”  It is the same when I bring my needs, prayers, and sufferings to Mary.  She intercedes on my behalf to you…guiding me to “Do whatever he says.”
  3. The Proclamation of the Kingdom of God  Mark 1:14-15  Matthew 5:3-12 (For the Desire of God’s Forgiveness)  Dear Lord, help me to know that your kingdom is as close as my own heart.  Help me to open my heart to you, always desiring that you fill me with your love and mercy.  Help me to stay strong in this world that we are living in…allowing my eyes to be open to your truth and to be very aware of the existence of sin.  Please help me to seek your forgiveness and mercy for my own sins, and also that I may look at others who are living in darkness, with that same love and mercy.
  4. The Transfiguration  Matthew 17:1-8  (For the Desire to be a New Person in Christ)  Dear Lord, thank you for  revealing  your glory through your transfiguration…allowing us humans to experience the glory and radiance of your Godhead.  Help me to always look to you to transform me into a completely new person in you.  Thank you for infusing my heart with your love, and shining your love through me.
  5. The Institution of the Eucharist  Luke 22:7-20  John 6:50-53 (For the Desire for Active Participation at Mass)  Lord Jesus, we are so blessed in the privilege and honor of celebrating Mass and receiving the Holy Eucharist…your body and blood. Please help me to always remember, that each and every Mass is a miracle, for you are truly there among us.  Help me to realize that it is your precious body and blood that I receive…making us one.  You are in me and I in you. We are joined together.  Thank you for inviting  me to your table,  The Lamb’s Supper.  

 

Pray the Rosary  A Saint Joseph Edition  A wonderful little Pamphlet

For information on how to pray the rosaryClick here

May your day be blessed in the love and light of Jesus, Our Lord. May your heart be touched through these Luminous Mysteries.

Remember, that these meditations come from my own heart.  When you pray the rosary, the Holy Spirit will reveal the truth of the mysteries directly to you.  Please feel free to comment with any questions or thoughts.


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The Glorious Mysteries

This is the third in the series of “How Praying the Rosary Changed my Life.” Please click here for the background of how I was led to The Rosary, and also to learn about The Joyful and Sorrowful Mysteries.

Today I will cover the Glorious Mysteries, which are prayed on Wednesday and Sunday.

My prayer is that The Holy Spirit will open your heart to these great mysteries, and fill you with the love, joy, and peace of Our Lord, Jesus.

There are five meditations associated with the Glorious Mysteries. I will cover each one.

  1.  The Resurrection  Mt 28:1-7  (For the desire of a Strong Faith)  Dear Lord, through your glorious triumph over death, help me to constantly desire a stronger faith.  Too many times I focus on the darkness and evil in this world, thus allowing myself to be entangled and attached to it.  Help me to focus on the beauty of your love, and your triumph over death, allowing me the opportunity  to bask in the truth of your saving grace.  You are my savior.  Help me to overcome fear and find solace in you, through you, and with you.
  2. The Ascension   Luke 24:50-53  Acts 1:10-11  Mk 16:19-20  (For the desire of the Virtue of Hope)  Lord Jesus, thank you for allowing your disciples to witness your glorious ascension into heaven… taking your  place at the right hand of God.  Through the eyes of faith, allow me to fully hope and trust that you are preparing a place for me, so that I can be with you forever.
  3. The Descent of the Holy Spirit   John 14:26  Acts 1:5-8  Acts 2:1-6 Acts 2:38-41  (For the desire of Zeal for the Glory of God)  Dear Lord, so many times I try to find happiness through the ways of the world, and through my own limited perceptions.  Please help me to realize that my real, true happiness can only come from you… for your love, power, and glory are endless.  Fill me with a strong desire for you, that my life and the desires of my heart may glorify you.  Thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit…and help me to stay open to only you; that my heart be filled with your loving and merciful presence.
  4. The Assumption of Mary  Rev 12:1  Judith 15:9-10  The Assumption  (For the Desire of Grace for a Holy Death) Dear Jesus, thank you for the gift of your Blessed Mother. Through Mary, help me to be drawn closer to you, because her heart is forever joined with yours.  Through her humility, great love, gentleness, and sinless example to me, help me to trust in your grace for a holy life and a holy death.
  5. The Coronation of the Blessed Virgin Mary   Luke 1:46-49    Coronation of Mary  (For the desire for a Greater Love for the Blessed Virgin Mary)   Dear Lord, thank you for bringing me closer to your Blessed Mother…my mother.  Since I have been powerfully drawn to her through the Rosary, my faith and my life have been completely transformed.  She loves me, and loves all of us, with the intense love of a mother for her children.  And her love is one with yours…so I am being drawn closer and closer to you. Thank you. 

Pray the Rosary  A Saint Joseph Edition  A wonderful Little Pamphlet

For information on how to pray the rosaryclick here.

 

May your day be blessed in the love and light of Jesus, Our Lord. May your heart be touched through these Glorious Mysteries.
Please feel free to comment with any questions or thoughts.


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Do it Yourself?

Oh, the things my thirteen month old grandson, Brayden, teaches me!

Brayden’s Sunglasses

While spending time with him the other day, Brayden fumbled through a pocket in his diaper bag, and excitedly pulled out his cute little sunglasses.  He seems to be intrigued by glasses…always reaching out to touch and pull off mine.  After a moment or two of inspecting the glasses, and then trying to open them, he looked over at me, and handed them over.

At that moment, he knew  that I would be able to help him.

Brayden sat there smiling, so I put the sunglasses on him, and he sat there for about two seconds before pulling them off and looking them over.  Then he proceeded to attempt putting them on.  No matter what he did, those glasses were not going on correctly.  They were either on his head, hanging from an ear, or around his neck.  He kept shaking his head “no” when I put my hand out to help/guide him, and literally pushed my hand away.

Evidently, Brayden’s desire to “do it himself” closed his mind to the guidance that he needed.  He lost his faith in me, and after a few minutes of trying every wrong way to put the glasses on, he threw them down, and went on to the next adventure.

That really got me thinking.

How many times do we do that very same thing?  When there is something that we desire, or need, we know that God can help us.  We pray earnestly, and then hand it over to our Father.

We expect an answer.  We expect our answer.

When our prayers aren’t answered as quickly as we would like, we start to look for ways to make it happen ourselves.  When things still aren’t going our way, we come up with countless more attempts.

As all this is occurring, the Lord is speaking to us in many subtle, and sometimes, not so subtle, ways.  He is answering our prayers in ways we don’t allow ourselves to see.  Sometimes, He may be guiding us to something even better than we prayed for.

We push His hand away.

You see, so many times, our desire to “do it ourselves” is so strong, that we close our minds and hearts to the direction and guidance that is right there in front of our faces.   Sometimes, all we need to do, is take a step back, and ask the Holy Spirit to fill us up and lead us.

Then we need to listen to the Voice that is longing to speak to us, and is waiting, in love, for us to hear.  Really hear.   Our God, our Creator, the God of the Universe, has a Divine Purpose for all of us.  Each one of us has been placed here, at this particular time, for a particular reason.

Our Lord God knows that reason, and is leading us on a path that will reveal our purpose to us at the proper and perfect time.

In the meantime, when it seems as though our prayers aren’t being answered as quickly as we would like, we must remember that when Our Lord has a unique purpose for us…He will lead us to it.  It is up to us how long it takes for our prayers to be answered and to arrive to our destination.  How long will we keep trying to “do it ourselves?”

Don’t be like Brayden throwing down the sunglasses and moving on to his next adventure because he couldn’t figure things out on his own.

Allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in you, and have total faith that God will direct you, bless you, and bring the desires of your heart to a fruition that you can’t even fathom.

 

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.  Psalm 37:3-5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. 

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.  Proverbs 3:5-7


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What Are You Giving Up?

Some thoughts about Lent…

somebodylovesmeblog

For me, the Lenten Season has always been a little intimidating.  It seemed as though I could not absorb the true poverty of spirit needed to open hearts (including my own) to the fullness of the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.  There were times when it felt like I was just “going through the motions”, giving up this, saying this prayer, going to Lenten Services.  In other words, to be perfectly honest, many times I was trying to worship with my “head” instead of my heart and soul.

This year I feel the Lord physically drawing me toward Him.  What ways can I deny myself in order to depend more fully on Jesus?  How can I open my heart in faith and trust, to help those in need around me?  In what ways can I throw myself at the feet of my Lord and worship Him more fully?

On…

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