Your Choice for Eternity

Christmastide is the perfect time to reflect on where we are in our relationship with Jesus.  The celebration of Advent, the preparations for Christmas Day, are all in the past.  The gifts, parties, baking, and  “glitz” of the season…that could be overwhelming for some…have been replaced with a quietness of spirit.  At least, there is a “quest” for quietness…maybe not fully attained yet!

Jesus is Love and Pure Joy! He loves us in a way that is incomprehensible to us.  He knows us perfectly…knows the struggles within us, and the reasons for those struggles…even when we don’t have a clue of what lies inside of our hearts.

This morning, I was looking through old family and friends photos, and I was reminded of so many blessings throughout the years.  Especially through the “in the trenches” days of early marriage and raising our sons.  During that time, it was clearly a “day to day” learning process, although I didn’t realize that at the time, I just trudged through each day’s events.   I didn’t realize that Jesus was right there with me, as I struggled through the haze of the personal inner struggles that I was beginning to work through.  All I knew at the time, was that I loved my husband and sons more than I could even understand.  I wanted what was best for them in this life.

I did not understand that my role as a wife and mother wasn’t necessarily to work toward their happiness in THIS LIFE…my role was to help them and guide them toward their eternal happiness.

Maybe that’s where we become confused when our life doesn’t go as planned…and sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way we expect them to be.  Only God knows what we truly need to prepare our souls for Eternal Life…with Him.  He showers us with blessings each and everyday.  Sometimes those blessings come disguised as difficulties, struggles and suffering.  We are constantly being given opportunities to turn our gaze away from the material world, and instead, look to Him.

Trust Him, who created you lovingly, and knows you inside and out.  Trust Him, and the Church He has gifted us with…and do all you can to know, love and serve Him in this fleeting world, so that you will be will be with Him…in the presence of Perfect Love and Joy…for all Eternity.

Think carefully about your choices in this life, because they will affect your most important relationship…which is with your Creator and your Savior.

So, during this time of peacefulness and meditation, remember this one thing:

The only thing you take to eternity is your relationship with God.  Everything in your life should tend to that relationship.  

 

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Christmas Time

Rejoice, for a child is born for us.  Isaiah 9:6

I would like to share something special that I read before Mass this morning.   This is a gift that I am sharing with you…Merry Christmas!

 

Dearly beloved, today our Savior is born; let us rejoice.  Sadness should have no place on the birthday of life.  The fear of death has been swallowed up; life brings us joy with the promise of eternal happiness.  No one is shut out from this joy; all share the same reason for rejoicing.  Our Lord, victor over sin and death, finding no one free from sin, came to free us all…

 

Christian, remember your dignity, and now that you share in God’s own nature, do not return by sin to your former base condition.  Bear in mind who is your head and of whose body you are a member.  Do not forget that you have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the light of God’s kingdom.  Saint Leo the Great

May God bless you and keep you in His loving care!  With much love, Bernadette

 

 

True Gifts of Christmas

This Christmas card touches my heart  all the way through to my core.  It was sent by a lovely lady (and her daughter) that I met at the Assisted Living Community where I had worked before moving to Colorado.

Sometimes, when you meet a person, you just feel a heart connection.  That is how I felt as I got to know Delores.  She was feisty, straight forward, and had a heart of gold.  She had a way of bringing a smile to my face, and somehow always “knew” when I was troubled.

I am sharing this card with you, because to me, it breaks through the “busyness” and sometimes craziness of the season.  All the gifts, parties, and decorations pale in the presence of the simple acts of love that are shared on this beautiful card.

Delores, thank you for the love and smiles that you brought into my life.  And thank you for this special card…it will be displayed during  Christmas for years to come!  I will think of you each time I am reminded of what Christmas is all about…and what the True Gifts of Christmas are.  Those gifts are meant to be given year round, and are healing and life changing for both the giver and the recipient!

Merry Christmas to all!

Reach Out Now!

Sometimes, the feelings that we keep hidden deep inside, are set free by unexpectant glimmers and moments.  For me, those feelings were released in a tangible way while I was grocery shopping a few days before Easter.

I have always especially loved Easter for what it means to me spiritually, and also for the traditions that were shared with me by my parents and family. I have attempted to pass those same traditions to my sons and their families, however, they do not hold Easter and traditions as close to their hearts as I have and still do…meaning that I was trying to celebrate Easter in a new way…without sharing Easter Mass, Easter baskets, flowers, colored eggs or a special Easter Dinner with our whole family.  It is a time of change for me, and I am working on what that truly means.

So… I needed to pick up some groceries, and when I enterd the store, I was overcome with the beauty of all the flowers that were being displayed for Easter/Spring.  Of course I LOVE flowers, and started to make my way up and down the displays…admiring the beauty.  As I was taking in the joy of all those arrangements, I was overcome with emotion.

I don’t have my mom anymore, to buy flowers for. I no longer have my mother in law  to buy flowers for.  And now I don’t have my sister, who was also like a mother to me,  to buy flowers for.  

In that one moment, such sadness welled up inside of me, that it was hard to leave that spot and keep on going.

Now, Mothers Day is on its way, and there will be no cards for me to send, and no flowers to buy.  The three women who were there for me, and who I loved immensely are just gone.  They live in my heart, however, they are no longer there for me to show love and gratitude for all the ways that they impacted my life.  

The older I get, the more I realize that the most important things in this world are love and relationships.  Actually, when I think of it, they are the ONLY important things in this world, because love and relationships are the pieces of ourelves that we leave to the world when we die.

Everything else disappears from reality when the ones you love are taken from you.

Be aware of the “loves” in your life. Share your time and your heart with them.  Take the time to bring happiness into their lives.  Flowers and love are meant to be shared during life…don’t put off and wait to bring joy to others.  Do it now.  

We never know what tomorrow will bring, or how long we will have with those that we love and that love us.

Reach out now…  

To those that are close to you, and also to all those that may need an extra little gift of love to get through their day.  We all know of or come across many through our day to day life, that are suffering inside, due to loneliness.  Reach out now…while you still have the opportunity.

May God bless all of us, and open our eyes to the needs of others.  We are all here for eachother…let’s find ways to lighten the burdens that are kept well hidden within the hearts of so many.

 

 

 

Hidden Things

As I make my way through Lent, my thoughts are drawn toward the light and mercy of Jesus.  What is hindering my relationship with Him…what is holding me back?

Fear is always what holds me back…but what is it that I am afraid of?

Maybe it is the unconscious fear of what lies within me.

I have always been the kind of person who prefers “controlled” light.  Curtains closed at the brightest times of the day, sheers that diffuse direct light, blinds raised and lowered to control exactly how much light enters the room.  All of that, because I do not want to see all the imperfection that is revealed when the sun shines through the windows unbridled.

I would rather live in my “happy place” where my home is just so, and everything is clean and tidy.

The light reveals stains on the couch, dust, and sometimes even cobwebs. It reveals the truth of reality.

I don’t want to acknowledge those hidden things…and would rather go through my life without seeing those things that I consider to be unattractive or damaged.  However, by always trying to camouflage  what is truly there, so much effort goes into the battle of constantly covering up the imperfections, that the issues are never resolved.

The issues, stains, imperfections and damage are always there. Some that we are aware of, and some that we are not.

When we make the choice to pull open the blinds of our heart, and invite Jesus to illuminate us, the Light reveals all…sins of our past and present, many that have remained buried, things that we never even remembered until revealed.  All of a sudden, we are made aware of how we have offended God in so many ways, and are reminded of the times we have hurt others or drew them into sin.  

The Light reveals truths that are unbearable to face…we can no longer camouflage the dirtiness of our souls.  This pure light forces us to face the truth of our unworthiness, and offers us a choice.

We can either acknowledge, confess and truly repent of our sins, which will free us to build a closer relationship with Christ in His mercy, or make the choice to continue living in darkness, which will keep us imprisoned.

I choose Christ. I choose mercy. And I choose the light of his love.

May God bless you during this Lenten Season.  Choose wisely.

 

Interior Growth during Lent

About a week or two ago, my husband and I were sitting on our couch watching a movie.  Someone was knocking at our front door, and being nighttime, I felt a little leery of opening the door to a stranger.

My husband doesn’t share my concerns or fears, so he swung the door open.  There stood a young woman, along with a friend, smiling at us.  She introduced herself and her friend, and proceeded to tell us that she happened to be walking by, and saw the Blessed Mother flags that we have in our front yard.  She said that something told her to knock on the door, and so she did.

Even just that was amazing to me…that someone, especially someone young, would actually walk up to a stranger’s home, because they felt the “call” to do it.  I have felt that call before, so I felt an instant connection with her.

We talked a little, and learned that we both have a devotion to Our Lady, and she shared that she attends Traditional Latin Mass at an area Church on Sundays, and she invited me.   Now, here is the clincher… I have been praying regarding whether or not to attend a Latin Mass.  There are different opinions on the Novus Ordo (New Order)  Mass vs Traditional Latin Mass, and I was praying for direction from Mother Mary and my guardian angel. You see, I remember the reverence and beauty of the Latin Mass as a child, before Vatican II, and have always missed that beauty. The altar rail, kneeling to receive the Body of Christ on the tongue,  the Priest facing the tabernacle, beautiful bells ringing during the Eucharistic Prayer, and beautiful hymns.  I always missed those lovely aspects of the Latin Mass, but since the changes to the Mass happened when I was a child, I just accepted those changes without question.

Since that night, my new friend and I have spoken a few times, and found that we have much in common.  She volunteers and is very active within the Church, and she reminded me of the 40 days For Life Ministry that is happening now.  It took a few gentle “proddings” before I finally made the committment to sign up to pray for the end of abortion.  I decided to pray at Planned Parenthood on Fridays.

What a lesson in humility it is to actually stand in front of a place (Planned Parenthood) that makes a business out of killing babies in their mother’s wombs. It is so sad to me.  At the same time, being there, and praying the rosary for the mothers and fathers that are considering to end their babies’ lives, is a privilege.  My rosaries and all prayers are also for the opening of the eyes, hearts and conversion of souls, of any person that is associated with this horrific baby killing.  Only Our Lord, Our Lady, and St. Michael, have the power to win this spiritual battle, and I am more than willing to pray to the heavens to step in and stop this holocaust.

I made the decision to pray the complete 20 decade rosary during my 40 Days for Life prayer time.  I have never prayed all the decades at once…have always just prayed the mysteries devoted to the particular day of the week.  This complete rosary is indescribably beautiful, and I plan to continue praying it at least once per week.

So, one more little tidbit to add to my story.  The Latin Mass that my friend told me about is only on Sundays at 3:30pm.  I work on Sundays/Mondays so that was out of the question, because I did not think it would be possible to change my two days.  Well…after she reminded me that we should not be working on Sundays anyway, being that it is the Lord’s Day, I decided to request my days to be changed so I would have off on Sundays.  I prayed to the Blessed Mother that if I was meant to have Sundays off and attend the Latin Mass, that she would make that possible.

I just heard from work a few hours ago that my request is approved, and I am over the moon happy that I will no longer be working on Sundays…the Lord’s Day:-) Thank you, dear Jesus and Mother Mary, for leading my new friend to my front door, and for the miracles you send me each and every day.

When I was looking for an All Mystery Rosary, I found one that is beautiful.  It is prayed by a husband/wife, with beautiful voices, and soft reverent music in the background. I will share with you below. (only one thing that I found distracting…after the last prayer of the rosary..Hail Holy Queen…the husband/wife talk a little about their site. I turn off the video after the last prayer, and then say the Prayer to St. Michael.

May God bless you on your personal journey to Jesus and heaven.  May your Lenten time bring you the interior growth that you are in need of.

 

Thanksgiving Memories

This post was shared a few years back…hope you enjoy my memories, as you are creating memories of your own.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is the first year we will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day without our sons.  They are living across the country with their wives, in Colorado and California.  It’s a weird feeling, because we miss them and wish we could spend this special holiday with them, but at the same time we are really looking forward to having a cozy and wonderful day.  It will be the three of us…my husband Joe, my mother and me.

Sometimes I wonder if my sons savor the memories of Thanksgiving Day in the same way I do.  Just thinking of Thanksgiving brings up all kinds of memories and feelings.

I remember waking up to the sounds of my parents preparing the turkey for roasting.  That would always include a lot of arguing for some reason, but in our house, that was normal.  I loved to watch them stuff the bird, and then pop it in the oven.

Back when I was a little girl, it seemed as though the turkey cooked all day.  I’ve always loved turkey and stuffing, and the smell throughout the house was intoxicating.  I’ve come to realize how my feelings and memories are intensely attached to the aromas and tastes of traditional holiday foods.

To me, traditions convey warmth and family.

The next thing my three sisters and I would do is turn on the Thanksgiving Day Parade.  How we loved to check out all the awesome floats and characters! We would gather together and enjoy the music and wonder of the parade.  Such simple pleasures!

As the morning headed toward noontime, my mom would pass around some appetizers to keep our bellies from rumbling.  This would always include celery stuffed with cream cheese and pineapple, and cream cheese with olives.  (I loved both) There would also be cheese and crackers, and sometimes shrimp cocktail.  And there was always a bowl of whole nuts to keep us busy.  I don’t know what I loved more – eating the nuts or cracking them open with the cool nutcracker!

Thanksgiving would usually include my Grandfather, my Aunt Lillian, and my Great Uncle John.  It was a special day, so we would pull out the tablecloth, and set the table with cloth napkins and silver.  We would light candles.  We didn’t have fancy or expensive china, but I can tell you, I loved those dinners.  It felt so special to me.

After all these years, I finally understand the true gift my mom and dad were giving us through our holiday traditions.  They were planting memories of home and family…little bits and pieces of love that will always be in my heart.

You see, it didn’t matter that the glasses and dishes might not have matched.  It didn’t matter that we lived in a little house, and our “dining room table” was actually in our living room.  To tell you the truth, I never even thought about any of that.

Our family was very far from perfect.  In fact, there were things that happened in our house that should never have been – things that were hurtful and confusing.

But looking back, I see that my parents were always trying to find ways to instill family and stability into our lives.  They gifted us with many wonderful memories, and I never want to forget any of them.

Through our own family traditions, my husband and I have attempted to gift our sons with memories that they will carry with them forever, to share with their families.

It was way more than the turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole,  cranberry sauce and pumpkin and apple pies.

 It was the blessing and miracle of family.

And I hope that when my sons smell their holiday meal cooking, and they are enjoying time with their own families, they will always feel us in their hearts, as they are always in ours.

May we always remember to treasure our family and friends that God has blessed us with. Have a joyous Thanksgiving!

How Does Your World Change When Your Father is Gone?

How does your world change when your father has passed on, and is no longer with you?

“Papa Bill” with Grandson Joey

I cannot speak for all of you, for what your story is, or what you are feeling.  All I can do is share what my personal reality is…with the knowledge that as I continue to walk my journey, that reality may change.  As it has changed in the last fourteen years…since my father, Bill Makosky,  passed away.  To read my tribute to my dad, written a year after his death, click here.

When my father died, I went numb, and then into auto pilot.  So many things to do, so many people to interact with,  and so many reasons to stay strong for my mother and family.  Although my heart knew the grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that  lurked beneath the surface, I instinctively protected the depth of those feelings…and chose to reveal only a facade to the world around me.

My mother was alone after his death,  and needed to be with loved ones.  A year after my dad died, my husband and I  invited her to come live with us…which meant she had to make that very hard decision to leave all she knew, and the home that she and dad had lived in for most of their married life together.  She moved from the small town of Youngstown, OH, to Manassas, VA…which is essentially the crazy Washington D.C. area.  And my sisters and I, all did what we needed to do to help her purge most of what she owned, sell her home, (the home we all grew up in) and then move in with us.

Mom ended up living with us until her death, in 2015. During that time, I kind of took her lead, regarding her grieving the loss of my dad.  In the beginning, she talked about him a lot, and was kind of living in her own reality regarding the man he was.  It was obvious to me that they have always loved each other, through any storm that hit them or our family.  However, when she talked about him, refusing to aknowledge his weaknesses, or the way some of his words and actions affected my sisters and me, it touched a place inside of me that I could no longer ignore.  

Carefully, I would remind her that I grew up in our house, and I knew the truth.  As the years went by, she was more able to accept the goodness of my dad, and also the darkness that he harbored.  We were able to talk about it at times, and although we made that breakthrough, I focused mostly on my relationship with her, and kind of put the death of my father on the back burner.

That changed when my mom passed away, for then I was orphaned.  The foundation of our family, and the roots that connected us no longer existed.  No reasons left for me to gloss over the fact that my father is dead.  

He is gone. 

And I miss him very much!

How did my world change when my father passed on?  A few things come to mind…

No more “hi dads,” and “hi Buns” (he called me Bun) and seeing his face light up when he saw me and his grandsons.

No more seeing him at our door, carrying his paper, and anything else he decided to bring over…like coffee cake or donuts.

No more dad to call when my life was in turmoil…like when my marriage was young and stormy.  He would listen to my cries of anguish, then comfort and support me…while at the same time, never once uttering  a negative thing about Joe…my husband and his son in law.

No more dad to call when I was excited about something in our life, or when there were troubles or sadness.

No more father’s day cards or gifts to choose…or birthdays or holidays to celebrate together.

No more dinners together, and waiting for his reaction to the dishes I prepared.

No more arguments with him, and no more chances to view him from the eyes of one flawed adult to another…no more chances to pray for him, and for the healing of his hurting soul.

The world is still turning…hours, days, months, and years spin by.  And although it is a beautiful world, created and gifted to us to enjoy and treasure, I have finally come to the place where I feel the emptiness of being fatherless in this world.

It is a void that cannot be totally filled by memories.

However, my heart is miraculously filled with an intense love that includes the hearts of my mom and dad.  That love pierces through the pain and grief of losing our loved ones,  It is a love and warmth that could only come from the source of love itself...Our Heavenly Father.

May God bless you on Father’s Day, and each and every day that you are blessed to live and love, in this beautiful world!

 

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  Deuteronomy 5:16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Second Mother’s Day Without my Mom

Today is my second Mother’s Day without my mom.

I never thought I would be the one to continue to grieve, to be overcome with emotion, and to miss my mother so very much.

Since my mother passed away, about a year and a half ago, I have felt her presence with me…a love that fills me and sometimes overwhelms me.  All of the moments that are precious and a treasure to me now, at the time were experienced as normal everyday moments.  Not realizing the memories that she was gifting me with…going through my days, as though each one was just another day, and not having the eyes yet to perceive true beauty.

My mother lived with Joe (my husband) and me for about eleven years.  Through those years, I was the one that would help her make purchases for gifts.  When it came to gifts for me, she would usually tell me what she would like to give me, and would ask me to choose and purchase.  Needless to say, I was never surprised!

Mom’s Final Gift to Me

When she was in rehab before she died, she was thoroughly enjoying herself.  One of the activities she loved was Bingo.  One day, I walked in to her room, and her face was all lit up.  She told me that she won Bingo, and was able to choose her prize.  She chose a beautiful flower arrangement so she could give it to me.  She was so excited and happy that she was able to surprise me with some beautiful flowers.  I was very touched at the time…but as time goes by, that one simple gesture touches my heart in the most deep way.

These are the moments that stay with us.  Snapshots of time that keep us grounded in love.  The miraculous scenes of life that play and replay through our minds and hearts of times gone by.

Moments spent with those we love.  As I sit here thinking and honoring my mother for all she was, and all she did for us as a family, many of those times come to mind.

Some of those moments that will always be with me:

Watching my mom through the window of the Senior Center when I arrived to pick her up.  Seeing her sitting at a round table with five of her friends, laughing so hard that she had to lay her head down on the table.  I had never seen her laugh like that.

Seeing her in her cute reading glasses, looking up from her book at me, when I came home from work and popped my head in her room to ask her how her day was.  She usually said, “I had a beautiful day.”  I will never be able to part with those glasses.

Watching her eyes light up when Joe or I served up one of her favorite meals.  Or favorite desserts.  Come to think of it, most everything was “her favorite!”

Getting beat royally by her when playing Canasta, Skip-Bo, or Sequence.  Sometimes it was downright mortifying how bad she beat me!

Losing my temper and yelling about our differing politics.  Feeling awful afterwards, I would apologize, and she would just say, “Sometimes things just need to come out.”  She would never hold those outbursts against me.

Strolling through Costco pushing my mom in her wheelchair with a cart in front of us…stacked so high with items she wanted to purchase, that we could not see where we were going!

Her excitement upon learning that she was going to be a great grandma.  That was one of the things that was holding  her back from passing on…she wanted to see her grandson’s baby that would be coming in five months.  I said, “Mom, you know that in heaven you will be able to see your grandson.”  She looked in my eyes and smiled.  She said, “I know, but I am not ready to leave this Earth yet.”  She didn’t make it to see Brayden’s birth, but I KNOW she is with him now.

The privilege of assisting her to shower, wash and style her hair, and put lotion on her.  In the beginning, she was embarrassed to have me help her in that way.  However, it became comfortable and natural for us.  And I enjoyed helping her to feel a little pampered.

Seeing the joy on her face when looking out her bedroom window and seeing three snowmen that the sweet neighbor girls built for her.

Sitting next to Mom at Mass and special worship times, feeling so close to her.

Seeing my mother, as she was near death, look me straight in the eye and tell me that I had the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen.  Then proceeded to call me “Jan,” telling “Jan” that her daughter and son in law take good care of her, but she worries about their health.

A few days before she passed away, I climbed into bed with my mom, and put my arm around her,  I asked her if it was ok that I was there with her.  Her answer?  “We should do this more often.”  Yes, we should have….

Once I asked her if there was anything she would have done differently, being that she had a hard life.  She told me she wouldn’t change a thing.  She said that her family is her blessing, and when things get difficult, you just need to “offer it up to the Lord.”

I have learned to do just that, Mom.  I have finally learned to offer my life to the Lord.  And a large part of myself is the part that came from you.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for being you.  Thank you for loving the Lord.

 

 

 

 

What Are You Giving Up?

Some thoughts about Lent…

somebodylovesmeblog

For me, the Lenten Season has always been a little intimidating.  It seemed as though I could not absorb the true poverty of spirit needed to open hearts (including my own) to the fullness of the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.  There were times when it felt like I was just “going through the motions”, giving up this, saying this prayer, going to Lenten Services.  In other words, to be perfectly honest, many times I was trying to worship with my “head” instead of my heart and soul.

This year I feel the Lord physically drawing me toward Him.  What ways can I deny myself in order to depend more fully on Jesus?  How can I open my heart in faith and trust, to help those in need around me?  In what ways can I throw myself at the feet of my Lord and worship Him more fully?

On…

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