somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


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How Does Your World Change When Your Father is Gone?

How does your world change when your father has passed on, and is no longer with you?

“Papa Bill” with Grandson Joey

I cannot speak for all of you, for what your story is, or what you are feeling.  All I can do is share what my personal reality is…with the knowledge that as I continue to walk my journey, that reality may change.  As it has changed in the last fourteen years…since my father, Bill Makosky,  passed away.  To read my tribute to my dad, written a year after his death, click here.

When my father died, I went numb, and then into auto pilot.  So many things to do, so many people to interact with,  and so many reasons to stay strong for my mother and family.  Although my heart knew the grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that  lurked beneath the surface, I instinctively protected the depth of those feelings…and chose to reveal only a facade to the world around me.

My mother was alone after his death,  and needed to be with loved ones.  A year after my dad died, my husband and I  invited her to come live with us…which meant she had to make that very hard decision to leave all she knew, and the home that she and dad had lived in for most of their married life together.  She moved from the small town of Youngstown, OH, to Manassas, VA…which is essentially the crazy Washington D.C. area.  And my sisters and I, all did what we needed to do to help her purge most of what she owned, sell her home, (the home we all grew up in) and then move in with us.

Mom ended up living with us until her death, in 2015. During that time, I kind of took her lead, regarding her grieving the loss of my dad.  In the beginning, she talked about him a lot, and was kind of living in her own reality regarding the man he was.  It was obvious to me that they have always loved each other, through any storm that hit them or our family.  However, when she talked about him, refusing to aknowledge his weaknesses, or the way some of his words and actions affected my sisters and me, it touched a place inside of me that I could no longer ignore.  

Carefully, I would remind her that I grew up in our house, and I knew the truth.  As the years went by, she was more able to accept the goodness of my dad, and also the darkness that he harbored.  We were able to talk about it at times, and although we made that breakthrough, I focused mostly on my relationship with her, and kind of put the death of my father on the back burner.

That changed when my mom passed away, for then I was orphaned.  The foundation of our family, and the roots that connected us no longer existed.  No reasons left for me to gloss over the fact that my father is dead.  

He is gone. 

And I miss him very much!

How did my world change when my father passed on?  A few things come to mind…

No more “hi dads,” and “hi Buns” (he called me Bun) and seeing his face light up when he saw me and his grandsons.

No more seeing him at our door, carrying his paper, and anything else he decided to bring over…like coffee cake or donuts.

No more dad to call when my life was in turmoil…like when my marriage was young and stormy.  He would listen to my cries of anguish, then comfort and support me…while at the same time, never once uttering  a negative thing about Joe…my husband and his son in law.

No more dad to call when I was excited about something in our life, or when there were troubles or sadness.

No more father’s day cards or gifts to choose…or birthdays or holidays to celebrate together.

No more dinners together, and waiting for his reaction to the dishes I prepared.

No more arguments with him, and no more chances to view him from the eyes of one flawed adult to another…no more chances to pray for him, and for the healing of his hurting soul.

The world is still turning…hours, days, months, and years spin by.  And although it is a beautiful world, created and gifted to us to enjoy and treasure, I have finally come to the place where I feel the emptiness of being fatherless in this world.

It is a void that cannot be totally filled by memories.

However, my heart is miraculously filled with an intense love that includes the hearts of my mom and dad.  That love pierces through the pain and grief of losing our loved ones,  It is a love and warmth that could only come from the source of love itself...Our Heavenly Father.

May God bless you on Father’s Day, and each and every day that you are blessed to live and love, in this beautiful world!

 

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  Deuteronomy 5:16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Let Us Kneel Before the Lord

Yesterday, the daily devotional from “A Catholic Woman’s Book of Days”  really touched my heart.  

O come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!  Psalm 95:6

The author recounted a time when she took a group of high-school students to a retreat day at a Monastery.  Part of the day involved attendance at Mass.

Afterward, some students remarked that the experience had been different from Mass at their home parishes.  “Here, it was like the focus was all on God.  At home, it’s more like it’s all about us.

Wow.  Such insight from young minds.

For many years, I was the one who was sometimes bored, thinking that Mass was supposed to entertain me, or that it was meant as only a fellowship time with my Church friends.  If the music was “good,” and the homily was “catchy and interesting,” I considered myself “fed.”  Otherwise, I really just went through the motions, fulfilling my Sunday Mass obligation.

Then I read “The Lamb’s Supper” by Scott Hahn.

How misguided and totally selfish I was.   You see, the Mass is not intended to be of entertainment for us.  We can be entertained anywhere in this world.  The Mass is a gift offered to us…to share in the Eucharistic Table together, in humble worship of Our Lord and Savior.  How blessed we are, that we have been invited to share in this banquet feast…The Lamb’s Supper.

During Mass, we are led to turn our minds and hearts to Our Lord, Jesus.  We worship through hearing His Word, singing praises to Him, and receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus.  Through the Eucharist, Jesus becomes one with us. He is in us, and we are in Him.  What could be more spirit filling than actually receiving Jesus into our bodies…into our beings?

How does that miracle of love even remotely compare to being “entertained?”

When at Mass, we are in communion with The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  We are also accompanied by  God’s angels and saints.  The Communion of Saints…how mystical and beautiful!

How blessed we are to have a tangible way to be intimate with our Lord.  To be totally one with Him, and through Him.

Lord, I thank you for gifting us with your Church on Earth.  Thank you for inviting us to this Loving Banquet.  Please send your Holy Spirit to infuse our hearts, minds and will with your amazing and unfathomable love, joy, and mercy.

 

Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.  John 6:52-56

 

 

 


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The Sorrowful Mysteries

This is the second in the series of  “How Praying the Rosary Changed my Life.”  Please click here for the background of how I was led to The Rosary, and also to learn about The Rosary and The Joyful Mysteries.

Today I will cover the Sorrowful Mysteries, which are prayed on Tuesday and Friday.

My prayer is that The Holy Spirit will open your heart to these great mysteries, and fill you with the love, joy, and peace of Our Lord, Jesus.

There are five meditations associated with the Sorrowful Mysteries. I will cover each one.

  1. Agony in the Garden   Mark 14:32-46  Luke 22:41-44  (For true repentance of my sins)   Dear Lord, how can I even begin to understand the agony that you endured, as you prayed to your Father in the garden?  You knew exactly what was going to happen to you…that you were offering yourself as a perfect sacrifice in atonement for the sins that I have committed, am committing, and will commit in the future.  You took my place.  You also knew that you would be betrayed by some of those who were closest to you, and knew  you would be hated, spat upon, tortured, blasphemed, humiliated, and ultimately crucified by those who did not understand The Truth.  I am so much like your disciples, who could not even stay awake for one hour to keep watch.  Judas betrayed you with a kiss.  How many times do I declare my love for you, and then close my heart to your love, and to your presence in my life?  How many times do I “fall asleep” when there is work to be done and people to love?  How many times do I betray you by allowing my weakness and selfishness to come between us?  Help me to understand that even you prayed that your Father would take the cup away…and the angels actually came to strengthen you in your suffering.  Help me to remember that you are always with me…I am never alone.  Help me to always come to you in prayer, with praise, thanksgiving and petitions, and always  submitting myself to the Father’s will…not my own.
  2. Scourging at the Pillar   Mark 15:1-15  (For a Spirit of Mortification)  Lord, help me to face the hardships and suffering in my life as you did.  You accepted your scourging with love and humility.  You did not even utter one harsh word toward your tormenters.  Please help me to understand and always remember…You suffered in my place, Lord. Thank you for the perfect love that you offered me through your sacrifice, and the love that you are still offering to me now. Help me to find you through the difficulties, pain and suffering that I experience day to day.  Help me to accept them with joy…knowing that through the suffering I am closer to you.
  3. Crowning With Thorns  Mark 15:16-19  (For Moral Courage)   Lord it wasn’t enough that you were scourged; you were also mocked and blasphemed.  Through it all, love and humility radiated from you.  Help me to always be ready to stand for what is right in God’s eyes. When I am mocked or persecuted because of my love of you, I ask that you shower me with your mercy and grace so I can respond with love and humility.
  4. Carrying of the Cross  Mt 27:31-32  (For the Virtue of Patience)  Lord, the first thing that pops into my heard after reading this verse…is that Simon was forced to carry the cross.  Am I so different from him?  When I am sent crosses to bear, I am always looking for ways to alleviate my struggle, pain, and difficulty.  It seems that I am sometimes forced to carry my crosses…and in the process I become closer to you, and my cross becomes a blessing.  Help me to not only carry my own burdens willingly and lovingly, but also open my eyes to ways I can carry some of the burdens of those around me…lightening the pain and suffering of others so it is bearable for them.  Help me to be a blessing to all those in need, that you place on my path.
  5. The Crucifixion  Luke 23:34  Luke 23:45-46  (For the Grace of Final Perseverance)  My dear Lord, You suffered and died in my place.  Thank you for the love and mercy that stream from you.  Thank you for loving me.  When I am hurt or when evil surrounds me, help me to always ask God to forgive them, for they know not what they do.  And please fill me with your grace, that I may say, in total faith, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”

May your day be blessed in the love and light of Jesus, Our Lord. May your heart be touched through these Sorrowful Mysteries.
Please feel free to comment with any questions or thoughts.

Pray the Rosary A Saint Joseph Edition  A wonderful little pamphlet.

 


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The True Women’s March

unknownToday, as the 2017 March for Life is in progress, as it has been since the first march in 1974, I come to you humbled and contrite.

You see, since the so called women’s march that occurred last Saturday, I have been trying to stand for life in the wrong way.  I have allowed the anger and hopelessness to overtake me, allowing it to permeate into my own heart.  I actually could FEEL the presence of Satan…darkness, anger, cynicism, hopelessness, sadness, pride, hate, and confusion.

I made two grave mistakes.  The first is that I did not pray ernestly for the Lord to work through me and to cover me with His armor.  And the second mistake was allowing myself to get into a conversation…an argument…with the devil online.

With the Lord’s help and protection, I will not make those mistakes again.

How do I know that my standing in support of the voiceless unborn is the right choice, and that it is from God?  How do I know that a baby growing in her mother’s womb, that should be the safest place in the world, should always be given the right to life…to be born?  How do I know that the mother, that chooses to kill her unborn baby, will suffer from emptiness and darkness for her whole life, until she allows her broken or stone hard heart to be opened to God’s love, mercy and forgiveness?

How do I know these things?

The evidence is in the women themselves.

The evidence is in the mockery of feminism, that was shown in its full light at the so called women’s march last weekend.  It was in the disgustingly vile signs, costumes and spewed hatred coming from the mouths of these women.  It was the ignorance and confusion of those women professing to be more than their sexuality…and then wearing vagina costumes framing their faces.  It was seen in the rabid joy of women (and also seen on children and some men ) “celebrating” their cause by crocheting and wearing “pussy hats” in solidarity.  It was seen and heard in vile speeches given by celebrities, who portray themselves in disgustingly perverted ways on  screen or  through their music, screaming hate filled messages.

Is that what womanhood and feminism means to you???

Or could it be that true feminism is rooted in a quiet love and respect for God, family, country, and the empowering knowledge that our bodies were created with the ability to conceive, carry, and give birth to the greatest gift that God can give us…the gift of life.  The gift of being a vessel of His love…and saying yes, as Our Blessed Mother, Mary,  did, to His will for us.  For in bringing another baby into this world, we are expanding Our Lord’s Kingdom.  It is so much more than us…it is greater than we can ever fathom.

The march last weekend, and the many reasons mothers seek out and kill their babies while growing in the womb, are rooted in confusion, fear, hatred, sadness, selfishness, isolation, pride, arrogance, and despair.  This was easily seen and heard while viewing the march, and listening to the protesters and speakers. The body language and the eyes to their souls sadly spoke volumes to me.

The March for Life that is occurring right now, features speakers and protesters that are rooted in love, mercy, humbleness, inner joy, faith, hope, selflessness, and the desire to reach out, with their hearts, hands and resources…to be of support to hurting  women, through the whole process of pregnancy and beyond.  To be there for them in friendship and love, helping to ensure that they, and their babies, have the support, love and necessities for as long as they need it.

Which woman are you?  What is the root of your beliefs?

Much to think about…

I ask God for forgiveness for allowing Satan to enter my heart through this past week.  I ask that He forgive me for not seeing past the actions and the vulgar, hateful  words spewed…for not looking for Him in their hearts and souls.  For not seeing the hurt and pain that reside deep within them.

For, instead of judging them, I should have been praying for love, mercy and joy to enter their hearts and lives.

Always knowing that I am too weak to always extend love and mercy on my own.  It is only when I am protected by the Armor of God…and willing to be His vessel… that HIS love may shine from my heart.

May God bless all of us and our country!

rachelsvineyard.org 

www.abbyjohnson.org

 

 


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Become Like Children

And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:2-4

 

This bible passage has been on my mind a lot lately. Probably because the Lord is using my time with my  grandson, Brayden, to teach me a few things that I need to learn.

Brayden Being Brayden

Brayden Being Brayden

Spending time with Brayden, and observing him, is one of the biggest blessings I have ever received. As any grandparent knows, this special bond is like no other…there is really no way to describe the love I feel for him. Everything he does amazes me, and when he feels any discomfort or pain, it literally hurts my heart.

“Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

 That verse got me to thinking… what does it mean to “become like children?”

Led me to think of the attributes I am noticing in Brayden:

Totally dependent in every way…Lord, help me to open my heart and mind to depend on you to provide for me and to carry me through all that life brings.

 Always learning and growing…Lord, as the years go by, help me to stay open to learning through Holy Scripture and the teachings of The Church, so that I am constantly growing closer to you, and more like you.

Authentic…Lord, help me to become more of who I was meant to be, by allowing me to be transparent. Whether that means sharing my joys and happiness with you, or being honest when I am unhappy, hurt, angry, hungry, thirsty, prideful, frustrated, sinful, confused or weak. For being authentic with you is the way to true relationship.

Filled with wonder…Lord, help me to always have childlike wonder, for you have created most amazing and beautiful things, so that we will know that YOU ARE GOD. Let me never lose the ability to look with wonder at the everyday beauty all around me, especially the beauty of the people in my life.

Intuitive…Lord, as a child has the natural instinct of feeling/knowing when “something is not right”, help me to trust the voice you have placed in my heart, that alerts me to danger and evil. Help me to always stay close to you, so that discernment becomes natural, and I can look to your truth to always guide me.

Learning to trust…Lord, just as a child learns to trust in his own abilities as he learns and grows, help me to trust that I am getting stronger with each step you help me make. Also, just as a child learns to trust those who love him, help me to trust you more and more, as you always love me, and are always there with me.

Persistent…Lord, when experiencing or learning something new, it is sometimes difficult and frustrating. As a child remains persistent in communicating his needs, and also is persistent in trying to overcome an obstacle or perfect a skill, please help me to never give up, and to remain persistent in reaching for you, and the divine purpose you have designed for me.

Seeking comfort…Lord, as a child seeks comfort when lonely, tired, or in distress, please help me to look for comfort in you, and to know that I am safe when nestled safely in your love and mercy.

 

See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:10

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Peter 2:2-3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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This World is our Cocoon

Yesterday, while relaxing with a cup of coffee, I read through many of my past journal entries.  I would like to share this one with you, entered on September 8, 1998.

If only I had a shell to retreat into

Where no one could hurt me

And life would be safe and secure.

Or maybe a web, so I could trap

And contain all of the worldly things

That are dark and menacing.

Ah…but now I wonder…

Maybe God has allowed us to be placed in this hurtful world

To serve as our cocoon.

The world forces us to change and grow (which is a painful process) until one day (the day He has planned) we will emerge beautiful and victorious…flying to the freedom of His perfect love.