When I was a very young child, I experienced the beauty of the Traditional Catholic Latin Mass, and continued to remember all that was a part of that beauty throughout my life.
As the years went by, I missed the reverence of worship in the Mass, and some things that were being done at Masses did not sit right in my soul. I did not understand how all of what I was seeing in different parishes were allowed to be inserted into The Holy Mass. It was very confusing and troubling.
This Taylor Marshall podcast explains what has changed in the Holy Sacrifice of The Mass, and reminds us of the true reason for the Holy Mass and the Sacraments. I learned much from this interview, and pray that you might listen. May God bless you and keep you in his care.
Today’s post is one that is truly difficult to put out there in words…in black and white…which will suddenly make it all real. My oldest sister, Patti, of whom I have written about on a few occasions, passed away on December 6, 2021, at the age of 79.
For those of you who do not know her story, Patti was stricken with polio when she was 12. She experienced a severe case, and almost died. Her prognosis was not good at that time, and she was given only about 10 years to live in her condition, even after treatment in an iron lung and then physical therapy. God had another plan in mind…she lived a full life, touching countless hearts of all that came into her life. Patti lived the remainder of her life as a quadriplegic, with only the use of her left hand and neck…and a brain filled with intelligence, love, trust in God, and an incredibly feisty and grateful spirit.
It’s hard to describe what Patti meant to me, and to my family. “Back in the day,” there were no government programs in place for her or for any families that were caregivers for their loved ones. There was no financial help, and no respite help. Come to think of it, as far as I know, there were never any offers to help our family back then. I am sure that most friends and family members were intimidated by the scope of what was needed for her care.
With that said, from a very young age, my other two sisters and I learned how to help care for all of Patti’s needs. Bathing, hair washing, skin care, bedpans, turning her and changing her position so she would not get bedsores. We also were “on call” for anything that she needed or help with the things she desired to do. We assisted her, and made sure that she had her writing tools and papers, books to read, the telephone to visit with friends and family, cups of cozy coffee, among many other things.
Patti was the center of our existence, and her role in our lives is so intricate that it is impossible to explain to others, even to other family members and friends. We grew up in a volatile, abusive, confusing and uncertain home. The kind of home where you never knew what was going to happen hour to hour, or even minute to minute. There were wonderful times, that felt loving, lighthearted and fun. However, those comforting times could change in a fleeting instant…and we lived in a home that the “spirit” of the day ahead of us could be felt in a palpable way. Our life was confusing, filled with the stark contrast of darkness and light.
That is one of the ways that Patti was a grounding for us. She was a constant source of light, love, nurturing, connection, and positivity. We spent a lot of our time as babies, toddlers, and teenagers, in her room. She was there for us when we came home from school, to listen to whatever needed to be shared or discussed. We watched special movies together, in her room. (remember…there were no dvds or streaming back then so it was “a big deal”) We listened to record albums in her room, as a family. This would include Shakespeare plays and most of the musicals. I especially remember listening to Macbeth, all together in the dark. Very memorable and scary!
My most precious memories spent with Patti, when I was a child, was laying next to her, listening to my favorite stories and poems that she would read to me for hours. She most probably is the reason for my love of reading and writing. As a little one, I experienced the stories of Poppy, Heidi, The Velveteen Rabbit, The Happy Prince, and The Selfish Giant. I also learned about the love of Jesus and His Precious Mother…and countless stories of the lives of the saints. She read me beautiful story poems and also whimsical, silly ones. She was the one who helped me with homework, and also helped with special projects for school. She offered much encouragement when I practiced for a speech or presentation…which absolutely terrified me.
Somehow, Patti knew how to touch my soul. Or shall I say that she was an open vessel for The Holy Spirit to work through. This was evident in our family, and each person that she came in contact with.
Although she lived her life with a disability most of us can’t even fathom, she never complained or cried about her condition. She chose a different way…the way of gratitude, love, and trust in God. As I have said before, she was the least handicapped person I have ever known. She forged through life, and viewed it as an adventure. There was not much that she wouldn’t be open to, if there was a way for her to do it. I remember the time in her life when she painted miniatures using a mouth stick. That amazed me! I also remember when she was strapped to the back of a motorcycle for an exhilarating ride. Yikes! (remember…she could not hold on or sit up on her own)
Actually, everything about Patti will always amaze me.
Patti, I know that you are in heaven, and are part of a world that I can not see. But I know you are here.
You are here in my heart. You are here when I enjoy the newness of each day and what it will bring. You are here when my heart explodes with love for those that God has blessed me with…for your heart exploded with love into me when I was a confused little girl. My fears and anxieties have kept me from many experiences throughout my life…everytime I am able to break through those fears and try something new or creative, you are right here with me. You always encouraged me and loved me where I was at. I am learning to do the same with myself and others.
Thank you for all that you have given to me and to the world. Thank you for showing me what a blessing it is to open myself to the love, forgiveness, peace and mercy, that only God can give.
Thank you for teaching me what it means to be truly grateful for all that God has blessed me with in this life. You always focused on the beauty around you and that meant that your focus was always outside of yourself. That is where your secret of happiness resided...it lived in the beauty of God’s creations and blessings, and especially in the hearts of those that He placed in your life.
Thank you for the love that you share(d) with me…I feel you so strong right now, that my heart is overflowing. Thank you for being there for me throughout my life. Your love and spirit will be carried in my heart until my life has ended…and hopefully, will then be passed on to my loved ones and those souls that God places in my life.
God is love, and we will be connected in His love forever. Thank you for teaching me that.
Your physical presence here on Earth is missed in so many ways. It is not the same place without you. However, the light that you shared will always be here to comfort us.Love always remains. I love you.
Awhile back, I shared some of my Thanksgiving memories…it was the first time my husband and I celebrated without our sons with us. I would like to share these memories again with you.
This year, our whole family, grandchildren and all, will be celebrating together! I will be sure to share the new memories and blessings of the day!
Hope you enjoy:
This is the first year we will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day without our sons. They are living across the country with their wives, in Colorado and California. It’s a weird feeling, because we miss them and wish we could spend this special holiday with them, but at the same time we are really looking forward to having a cozy and wonderful day. It will be the three of us…my husband Joe, my mother and me.
Sometimes I wonder if my sons savor the memories of Thanksgiving Day in the same way I do. Just thinking of Thanksgiving brings up all kinds of memories and feelings.
I remember waking up to the sounds of my parents preparing the turkey for roasting. That would always include a lot of arguing for some reason, but in our house, that was normal. I loved to watch them stuff the bird, and then pop it in the oven.
Back when I was a little girl, it seemed as though the turkey cooked all day. I’ve always loved turkey and stuffing, and the smell throughout the house was intoxicating. I’ve come to realize how my feelings and memories are intensely attached to the aromas and tastes of traditional holiday foods.
To me, traditions convey warmth and family.
The next thing my three sisters and I would do is turn on the Thanksgiving Day Parade. How we loved to check out all the awesome floats and characters! We would gather together and enjoy the music and wonder of the parade. Such simple pleasures!
As the morning headed toward noontime, my mom would pass around some appetizers to keep our bellies from rumbling. This would always include celery stuffed with cream cheese and pineapple, and cream cheese with olives. (I loved both) There would also be cheese and crackers, and sometimes shrimp cocktail. And there was always a bowl of whole nuts to keep us busy. I don’t know what I loved more – eating the nuts or cracking them open with the cool nutcracker!
Thanksgiving would usually include my Grandfather, my Aunt Lillian, and my Great Uncle John. It was a special day, so we would pull out the tablecloth, and set the table with cloth napkins and silver. We would light candles. We didn’t have fancy or expensive china, but I can tell you, I loved those dinners. It felt so special to me.
After all these years, I finally understand the true gift my mom and dad were giving us through our holiday traditions. They were planting memories of home and family…little bits and pieces of love that will always be in my heart.
You see, it didn’t matter that the glasses and dishes might not have matched. It didn’t matter that we lived in a little house, and our “dining room table” was actually in our living room. To tell you the truth, I never even thought about any of that.
Our family was very far from perfect. In fact, there were things that happened in our house that should never have been – things that were hurtful and confusing.
But looking back, I see that my parents were always trying to find ways to instill family and stability into our lives. They gifted us with many wonderful memories, and I never want to forget any of them.
Through our own family traditions, my husband and I have attempted to gift our sons with memories that they will carry with them forever, to share with their families.
It was way more than the turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and pumpkin and apple pies.
It was the blessing and miracle of family.
And I hope that when my sons smell their holiday meal cooking, and they are enjoying time with their own families, they will always feel us in their hearts, as they are always in ours.
May we always remember to treasure our family and friends that God has blessed us with. Have a joyous Thanksgiving!
Today I completed a rather challenging 1000 piece puzzle. It was especially fun for me to piece together this particular puzzle, because it pictures what I imagine as the epitome of a welcoming, vibrant autumn day. And, I must add, autumn is my favorite season.
Working through the process of this puzzle got me to thinking…about life.
I can only speak from my own life experience, however, maybe you can relate.
When my puzzle arrived, the top of the box revealed the beautiful image of the finished product, and nestled inside, was a bag that contained all the pieces thrown together.
Isn’t that like life?
We were created by a loving God, who knew us before we were formed in the womb. He knows the finished product of who we were created to be. He knows the beauty of what we truly are.
The first thing I did to start my puzzle, was to dump out the pieces, turn them all over, and then separate the frame pieces from the rest. Being a 1000 piece puzzle, this took considerable time.
We go through life unaware of the pieces that we are connecting together. As we experience life as babies, toddlers, children, teenagers, and finally adults, there comes a time when we realize that there is a heap of puzzle pieces of our life that we can’t find, or can’t figure out where they fit in. We search and search to find the complete picture of who we are, however, there are many empty spaces, and from our perspective, we are incomplete and rather shabby.
We wonder if we will ever be whole.
Then the process of piecing the puzzle together starts to show the faint makings of what the final result will be. Slowly, as each piece is found and added, we start to see glimmers of clues that pop up in different areas.
As we live our lives, our memories and our experiences fit together, and reveal snippets of who we are…or who we are becoming. This often feels as though it will take forever, and there are many times we feel hopeless, and we get very impatient and frustrated.
We want to give up. We are SO tempted to give in to despair and to JUST GIVE UP. It is so hard to see the complete picture of who we are meant to be. After all, we are made in God’s image, right? Why is it so hard to trust Him and have faith that it will all come together?
So, as I look at my completed, beautiful puzzle, I am reminded that God looks at us in that way. He sees what we are meant to be. He sees our purpose. He sees our beauty…and only He knows all the pieces that will fit together in our lives to transform us and make us whole.
Only He can see the whole, complete picture. It doesn’t matter that we can only see the partial image…we need only to trust Him.
My husband and I have been living here in Colorado for about two months. Of course there are many stories that led up to this moment, and hopefully, many more stories and memories to come.
What is amazing to me, is the absolute beauty of this place, and how God led us one step at a time, to arrive at this very moment…surrounded by the sights and experiences that reveal His signature and His plan in our life.
Although, on the outside, it may have appeared as though my life has been easy and simple, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Actually, even I believed my life was “perfect” in every way.
I believed my family life growing up was loving and closely knit, and then I strived for what I felt was perfection in my marriage and while raising my sons. I unknowingly created a type of “happy place” in my heart and mind, and did my best to bring peace, love and nurturing to my sons and husband.
Peace is the magical word for me…life was peaceful and happy, and peace is what I thrive on.
I started noticing glimmers that there was something wrong, when I would feel funny or icky when I was around my parents and sisters. I first noticed this when I was in my twenties, and when I felt those strange feelings, I didn’t understand where they were coming from. My family was close, and I loved them, so I attributed those negative vibes to my own character flaws…that I didn’t love them enough.
So I stuffed down those feelings…burying them deep.
This is how I traveled down the path of my life. Surrounded by the daily joys and hardships of marriage and raising a family, I focused on the day to day and tried to create a loving home, that was peaceful and welcoming.
What I was doing, was trying to give to my family what I did not have growing up. I guess that is what we all do.
I pushed past the many fears that I had (and still do) by avoiding them, unconsciously avoiding the anxiety and panic attacks that would be triggered. Although I was starting to realize some of the realities of the childhood trauma I had suffered through along with my sisters, the revelations only came to me in unconnected bits and pieces. As a layer would be peeled away, exposing a truth, it would take me quite awhile to comprehend and accept what was revealed. Once I worked on that issue or memory/feeling, I would happily stay on that plateau…until another layer was exposed.
This has been my life for over thirty years. Working hard to deal with issues that keep popping up, and wondering why I can’t just let the past go and face my fears, which I have been admonished for by family members more than once. (this question was finally answered for me in this book)
I always believed in God…that was never a question for me. What I was missing, was a relationship with Him, and strong faith.
When I was in my early thirties, I attended a renewal weekend at my Catholic Church. One of the women was giving her witness of faith, and all I remember of her talk was “I forgive you, daddy.” When I heard those words, pain and tears that I had buried came tumbling out in a torrent of anguish.
From that moment, I knew what the truth of my life was, and I knew that Jesus was with me …that He would never leave me, and that I would do all I could do to develop a relationship with Him.
Colorado Sunrise
It has been a long journey for me, and Jesus has never let go of me. He has blessed me with my husband who is always there to love me, two sons and their beautiful families, and wonderful friends I have met along the way.
He has also blessed me with the gift of faith, that infuses me with the knowledge that all things work toward good for those who love Him. I know that all joys, and also the suffering that is part of my life’s journey, will ultimately bring me home to Him.
This is true for all of us.
If you are not at that place of trust yet, take a moment to thank Jesus for all the blessings in your life, and ask Him for the gift of faith. Everything will fall into place, but most probably, not in the way you would expect. That is where the faith comes in. Click here for my post “Trusting the Winds of Change.”
So…back to our move to Colorado. We grew up in Northeastern Ohio, and then lived in Northern VA/DC area for over twenty years. autumns were beautiful in those areas, and fall is my favorite time of year.
We lived in Central CA for five years, to be near our first grandson. To learn how that fell into place, click here. In that five years, another grandson was added to our family, and also two granddaughters in the Denver, CO area. My son in CA just accepted a wonderful job opportunity in Denver, so their family moved to Fort Collins, Colorado, and so did we! The Lord orchestrated (through our other son and daughter in law) a way for us all to be living near eachother again, and my husband and I get to enjoy all of our grandchildren!
Central California has no fall…maybe a little tree or bush here and there. So, I have been missing my favorite time of year…the colors!
When the beauty and colors of autumn exploded here, my heart just about exploded with it! Jesus directed our path, and we ended up living in the most beautiful place I have ever seen in the fall! Colors everywhere, and sunrises and sunsets that take my breath away.
Thank you, Lord, for the beauty of your creation, and for leading me in such a gentle way, allowing me to access the truth of my life, and for opening my mind and heart to your love and mercy.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Today I am reblogging a post that I wrote about a very special lady. Patti is my sister, and I have been extremely blessed to have her in my life. Her life was never easy, however, that did not stop her from accomplishing great things. Through all her struggles, she has never lost her zest for life or her faith in God. Please read about her life as a quadriplegic, and how she touched so many lives.
This last weekend, I was blessed with some ‘one on one’ time with my oldest sister, Patti. We usually get to visit only once or twice a year, being that she lives in Ohio, and I am in Virginia. My mom has been living with my husband and me for over ten years now, so naturally all our visits with Patti are always together, as a family.
For some reason, I felt compelled to see my sister, and spend time with her alone. There was no question in my mind…I needed her. Just like I did throughout my childhood, and then as I grew to adulthood.
So, let me tell you a little about Patti. She was a beautiful and feisty young girl, who now describes herself as a tomboy who loved climbing trees and neighborhood roofs. To be honest, she was a little mischievous.
Smack dab in the center of a havoc that most of us have never experienced or even imagined could happen. How are we dealing with it? What can we actually do about it? How can we make our country, and the world, a better place?
What are we focusing on?
A perfect storm of reasons to lose hope are gathering around us. We are constantly being warned regarding the dangers of catching or infecting others with the Covid 19 Virus, which affects our lives in all aspects. Our time (or lack thereof) with family, our choices or even possibilities for recreation, shopping, entertainment, fellowship with friends. Our livelihoods. Our freedom to worship.
Many people are living in depression and despair from lack of physical contact with loved ones, or even simple contact with other human beings. Those needs for comfort, interaction, validation, and inner joy that comes from sharing time with others, are not met by Zoom or Facetime calls. Most of the time, those types of communication make the longing for true physical contact and relationship with loved ones even more intense.
We are living in a time of political strife. There are two basic choices that exist, and it’s important that we all understand the realities of the choice that we make.
Our Church is also experiencing strife from within. There are leaders in the Church that are straying from Scripture and also from the teachings and dogma of the faith itself. Because of Church closures, and limited availability, it is extremely difficult to access Mass and the Sacraments.
How can we navigate through the swirling cesspool that is our current reality, without the grace of God that is dispensed through the sacraments…especially Our Lord in The Holy Eucharist, and also in Reconciliation? How could the Church withhold these blessings from us?
On top of those things, we are still suffering through our normal, day to day life struggles, including physical and mental health, sickness, death, financial needs, and just the anxiety of day to day life in general. However, being that we are under an extra blanket of darkness due to the combination of oppressions, many of us are losing focus and hope.
So…how are you doing, and how are you dealing with all of this?
Are you constantly searching social media or the news to find validation or the magical answer to our dilemma?
Are you retreating from life, and closing your eyes and ears to the truth of our current world?
Have you lost your faith in others and in God?
Are you just giving up, kind of saying, “whatever?”
Because in your heart…in your soul, you are already aware that you are not in control. Although you might have built a world for yourself where you felt successful, happy, peaceful and secure, you now are starting to realize that you are not in control and never were. It was an illusion.
You are looking for peace in all the wrong places…peace can never be found in this world. Not true peace…we can not create it for ourselves or others. We are called to work toward peace, however, we can never be totally sure of the intent in others when they offer “peace” or the “answer” to us. How do we know when that “peace” is an illusion?
Sooo…what I am learning, is to search for true peace in the One True Source.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Use this “lockdown” time wisely.
If you don’t believe in God, just take a tiny step and pray (even if you don’t believe…yes I’m talking to you!) and ask Him for the gift of faith.
Ask him for the faith to recognize and be open to all the ways He is trying to show Himself to you. Because I promise, He IS pursuing you. Look around and see the blessings He has brought into your life. See your family, loved ones, friends. See the way you are blessed with your senses, to have the ability to appreciate the beauty He has created for YOU. See the home, food, clothing, your career/vocation.
We all have a different calling and purpose. We all have different blessings. We need to be grateful for those blessings.
How will we allow Jesus to work through us to be a point of light in the world…not to add to the darkness. No matter what our divine purpose is, none of us are meant to be a point of darkness…that is a choice to be made.
Make the choice to grow closer to Our Lord…learn your faith. Pray. Reach out in love to those that are struggling. Allow Jesus to flood you with love…so that you finally realize your worth and your place in helping to make this world a better place.
Make the choice to be a vessel of light that the Holy Spirit can work through in this world to touch all that have hardened hearts. Those hearts need to be melted with the pure love and peace of Jesus.
Only then will our world be changed. Only then will we experience true peace. One heart at a time.
This is the first year we will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day without our sons. They are living across the country with their wives, in Colorado and California. It’s a weird feeling, because we miss them and wish we could spend this special holiday with them, but at the same time we are really looking forward to having a cozy and wonderful day. It will be the three of us…my husband Joe, my mother and me.
Sometimes I wonder if my sons savor the memories of Thanksgiving Day in the same way I do. Just thinking of Thanksgiving brings up all kinds of memories and feelings.
I remember waking up to the sounds of my parents preparing the turkey for roasting. That would always include a lot of arguing for some reason, but in our house, that was normal. I loved to watch them stuff the bird, and then pop it in the oven.
Back when I was a little girl, it seemed as though the turkey cooked all day. I’ve always loved turkey and stuffing, and the smell throughout the house was intoxicating. I’ve come to realize how my feelings and memories are intensely attached to the aromas and tastes of traditional holiday foods.
To me, traditions convey warmth and family.
The next thing my three sisters and I would do is turn on the Thanksgiving Day Parade. How we loved to check out all the awesome floats and characters! We would gather together and enjoy the music and wonder of the parade. Such simple pleasures!
As the morning headed toward noontime, my mom would pass around some appetizers to keep our bellies from rumbling. This would always include celery stuffed with cream cheese and pineapple, and cream cheese with olives. (I loved both) There would also be cheese and crackers, and sometimes shrimp cocktail. And there was always a bowl of whole nuts to keep us busy. I don’t know what I loved more – eating the nuts or cracking them open with the cool nutcracker!
Thanksgiving would usually include my Grandfather, my Aunt Lillian, and my Great Uncle John. It was a special day, so we would pull out the tablecloth, and set the table with cloth napkins and silver. We would light candles. We didn’t have fancy or expensive china, but I can tell you, I loved those dinners. It felt so special to me.
After all these years, I finally understand the true gift my mom and dad were giving us through our holiday traditions. They were planting memories of home and family…little bits and pieces of love that will always be in my heart.
You see, it didn’t matter that the glasses and dishes might not have matched. It didn’t matter that we lived in a little house, and our “dining room table” was actually in our living room. To tell you the truth, I never even thought about any of that.
Our family was very far from perfect. In fact, there were things that happened in our house that should never have been – things that were hurtful and confusing.
But looking back, I see that my parents were always trying to find ways to instill family and stability into our lives. They gifted us with many wonderful memories, and I never want to forget any of them.
Through our own family traditions, my husband and I have attempted to gift our sons with memories that they will carry with them forever, to share with their families.
It was way more than the turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and pumpkin and apple pies.
It was the blessing and miracle of family.
And I hope that when my sons smell their holiday meal cooking, and they are enjoying time with their own families, they will always feel us in their hearts, as they are always in ours.
May we always remember to treasure our family and friends that God has blessed us with. Have a joyous Thanksgiving!
After all the rain and gloomy weather we have been experiencing in Northern VA, we are blessed today with a glorious, sunny, warm day! I took full advantage of it, and just returned from my lunchtime walk.
God always finds a special way to communicate with me, and today was no exception. As I walked, I looked over to the quasi-pond (drainage ditch/reservoir filled with rain overflow) in the front of our building. My eyes first took in the sight of muddy, dirty water. Then I noticed the paper cups, garbage and pieces of wood and cardboard floating by. All I could think of was “yucky, dirty mess.”
When I looked closer, I saw a turtle sitting on top of the floating piece of wood. Since I rarely see turtles in my day to day life, that sight made me smile. The next thing that my eyes were directed to…
somebodylovesmeblog 