Yesterday, while relaxing with a cup of coffee, I read through many of my past journal entries. I would like to share this one with you, entered on September 8, 1998.
If only I had a shell to retreat into
Where no one could hurt me
And life would be safe and secure.
Or maybe a web, so I could trap
And contain all of the worldly things
That are dark and menacing.
Ah…but now I wonder…
Maybe God has allowed us to be placed in this hurtful world
To serve as our cocoon.
The world forces us to change and grow (which is a painful process) until one day (the day He has planned) we will emerge beautiful and victorious…flying to the freedom of His perfect love.
Are you ready to take that step to make a real change in your life? I’m not talking about things like earning a new degree, finding a new job, getting married, losing weight, eating healthier, enjoying a new hobby, exercising more,…etc, etc. Those kinds of things are important, and can lead to a certain degree of happiness, but that is not what your spirit is searching for.
Your spirit is searching for the truth. Your spirit is searching for peace. Your spirit is searching for love.
You don’t have to search far to find what you are looking for. Jesus already loves you, and is right there in your midst. He has always been there. You know the little nudges you have been feeling; the questions about faith and God that you just can’t seem to shake off.
You know He is there, but haven’t been able to take that step out in faith. Something is holding you back from letting go and just inhaling the healing, saving grace of God.
You know who you are. You know that you SAY you believe, but what is keeping you from opening the door to allow the Holy Spirit to flood your life? Your life is filled with love and good deeds but you are still searching…
When everything in your life is going smoothly, just the way you planned it to go, you put your faith and the Lord on the back burner. “The Lord wants me to be happy” you say…as you carry on your day to day life without much of a change. Kind of a lukewarm existence. Believing that Jesus is your savior…after all, you’ve accepted Him in your heart, stating that “Jesus loves me as I am.” You are traveling through life almost at a standstill. One decision away from a true, intimate relationship with Him, which only requires your desire to love Him back and please Him with your life.
Yes, Jesus loves you. How do you love Him back?
And then comes the time of sadness, suffering and despair. When those times are happening, what are the thoughts running through your mind? “Lord, why have you allowed these things to happen? Why is it always me? Haven’t I suffered enough? Haven’t we all suffered enough? Where are you now, Lord?” These thoughts and torments swirl through your being and stubbornly you shut the door on the Lord. He is right there, and waiting for you to accept His love and peace, but you are too busy trying to “fix” things yourself. Once again you decide that Jesus will understand. It’s just not the right time to turn your heart and life over to Him. After the crisis is over…maybe then.
What will it take for the Lord to get your attention? Good times, bad times, what???
He loves you in a way that you cannot imagine. He is waiting to infuse your heart, body, and soul with His Holy Spirit. However, He will not intrude where He is not wanted or invited. He is waiting for your commitment of love and fidelity to His Sacred Heart.
Which part of your life will you keep from Him?
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Most of my friends know that I don’t like wind. There are a few reasons for my displeasure, but suffice to say, wind is not my favorite thing.
So what do you think happens every time I go for a walk? It could be the most still of days when I venture outside for my daily walk, I’ll be on my way for about 5 minutes, and then BOOM, the wind hits me with a rage. I’m not talking a gentle breeze, but almost a whirlwind!
I’ve come to realize, that the Lord is definitely communicating with me and teaching me through these winds.
You see, I am a person who has always sought peace and the calming comfort of routine. This need and quest for peace in my life stemmed from childhood, when I used to stick my head in a book at a very young age, and would create my own world. I would literally make my surroundings disappear, and would not even be aware of the craziness happening in the house around me.
This quest for peace directed my life, and I continually headed in the direction of my interpretation of “peace and quiet”. Many times, because of this internal guidance system that was on autopilot, I passed up countless opportunities for growth and even missed out on many joys because I was looking for a “safe” place to be. I had built myself into a cozy little box, and was not even aware that the real motive behind my self- imprisonment was fear. There, I said it…it was fear.
Back to the wind…or should I say the winds of change.
As my relationship with Jesus becomes more intimate, he is guiding and teaching me through his outpouring of grace and love. I am learning to TRUST God and his purpose for me. This trust cannot be forged when I shelter myself from all that I deem uncomfortable or a threat to my peaceful existence.
I am learning to open my heart and soul up to the Lord, and offer him all that I am. AS IS. Although I am always striving to align myself closer to Jesus and his ways, I trust that he is working in me and through me, bringing me and those lives he touches through me, closer to him.
This involves great TRUST.
Trust, when winds come straight at me, and throw me off my usual course and way of thinking.
Trust, when I choose to not only listen to the whispers of the Spirit in my heart, but HEAR them and act on them.
Trust, that through the winds of change, I will be strengthened and ready for any storm that may come my way, or into the path of those around me.
As I sit, at this moment, I am feeling an extreme calmness of spirit. At the same time, I feel the intense energy and total love of Jesus through my entire being.
I am looking out the window, watching the trees and leaves that are momentarily motionless, as they patiently wait on the Lord to move them in his direction.
And I also wait on the Lord, for he is my all, and is my source of joy, happiness, and true peace.
I wait for the blessings that will be poured over all of his children, through the winds of change.
May God bless you and keep you in his care, as you wait on him and his direction for your life’s purpose.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalms 27:14
It is a beautiful fall day – a little crisp with the sun shining brightly. My favorite kind of day. Except that it is rather windy, and you can ask my husband…I do not like wind at all.
I am sitting at my desk at work, looking at the little tree that is right outside the window. It is my little piece of heaven at work…I love trees and I have the privilege of being able to view them during the day. So happy I am not stuck in a “cubicle” situation. It would be extremely difficult for me to be imprisoned in an office all day with no windows!
My little tree is currently covered with gorgeous hues of yellow, gold, and burnt orange. As the wind blows, the leaves shimmer and dance in the breeze, trying so hard to hold on to their branches. Of course, in time, the leaves will finally submit to the power of the wind, and they will eventually drop to the ground. As we know, the tree will appear dreary and dead all through the winter, and then burst forth with new life in the spring!
Watching those leaves hanging on for dear life, reminds me of myself. Most of the time when I go on my daily lunchtime walks, it looks like a completely still day. No wind. It never fails, once I start walking and praying, the wind picks up and blasts me. It almost makes me laugh out loud, because in my soul, I know it is God speaking to me. He is trying to get my attention, to let me know that I should stop trying to hide from the winds of change and growth. Just like the leaves, I am trying to hang on to what I know, and trying to keep things at an even keel.
I need to stop hiding from Him.
What I am learning is that I need to just let go…and let the wind carry me…stop fighting it. Stop fighting what God has planned for my life. I need to submit to the Lord and just let go….why is that so difficult?
Lord, thank you for blessing me in so many ways! You are the source of all that is good, and you are my comfort through the pain and heartaches of this world.
Please send your Holy Spirit to open my soul to your will, and fill me with the grace to let go of my fears and submit my life and my will to You.
Help me to let go of all that is holding me captive.
For I have faith, that just like the leaves letting go and falling to the ground are an indication of the beauty to come in the spring…so is your loving plan for my life.
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