somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


8 Comments

A Step Forward in Faith

Are you struggling right now?  Do you KNOW something is missing in your life…or maybe experiencing pain, despair, confusion, or doubt that there is a God that loves you?

There is a way to move closer and closer to Jesus.  There is a way to find inner peace even as you tread through the storms of your day to day life. There is a way to truly have faith in God, and know that He is there for you. Always.

KNOWING Jesus will fill you with such a deep love and faith… life will change for you!

This video is the testimony of young men who have experienced miraculous change in their lives after making the decision to pray the rosary.  Listen to their stories, listen to how their hearts (and lives) were changed.  Our Blessed Mother loves us so much, that she desires to bring us closer to her son.  She loves YOU that much…trust her to love you through your struggles, as any loving mother would, and trust her to lead you to the saving grace of Jesus.

Praying/meditating on the mysteries of the rosary is changing my heart and my life…in unbelievable ways.  Are you ready to take a step forward in faith?  May God be with you on your faith journey.

Advertisement


45 Comments

Missing my Mom

Out to Dinner
Bernadette and Mom

Today is my mother’s birthday.  She passed away seven years ago, at the age of 88.

I am really missing her today.

Due to the intricacies and craziness that weaved the fabric of our family, I did not feel close with my mother growing up.  I loved her because she was my mom.  She was always there in our home, making sure that we were safe and well fed.  She had her own issues that she suffered through her whole life, that I was completely oblivious to.  All I knew was that I loved her and she loved me…however, we did not know eachother’s hearts during those years.  Due to the dynamics of our family, that revolved around the care of my quadriplegic older sister, there were no long mother/daughter talks, lunches out, shopping excursions or anything else that I imagine mothers and daughters doing together.

All of that would change when my father passed away.  My mom was unable to live on her own, so my husband and I invited her to live with us.  After a little prodding by my hubby, she decided to move from Ohio to our Virgina home, and lived with us for about 11 years.  As I get older, I am more able to understand how difficult that decision must have been for her.  She had lived in that home, (and raised four daughters in it) for decades.  We helped her to sell her home, which meant giving away and throwing away most of the material things that were attached to her heart as memories.

Now looking back, my heart is opened up to the grace that my mom exhibited through the move, growing older, and living with my husband and me.  She was a bit of a hoarder, along with my dad, as they grew older and less able.  Although it was extremely hard for her, she allowed me and my sister to clean out her house, save the things that we knew she would want to keep, and then move her into our home.

That move changed everything.  Although I was secretly hoping for that “magical” mother and daughter relationship to develop, what I was blessed with was learning the reality of who my mother was, and I also learned so much about myself in the process.

Learning about and accepting yourself is more of a struggle than I ever realized…and the serendipity in that, is that learning about yourself usually leads you to learn about others.  Both my mom and I had layers upon layers to be peeled away.  Her layers were even more stubborn than mine, and many remained tightly shut.  I learned to respect that in her…and learned to love who she was instead of who I thought she should be.

So, Happy Birthday, Mom!  I wish you were here so we could share some of your Coconut Birthday Cake that you loved so much.  And I could watch your eyes light up while opening a new Barbie Doll for your collection, or your favorite body care lotions and sprays, or some sparkly piece of jewelry.  Small things brought you joy, and you passed that trait on to me.

I am remembering simple, sweet moments that we shared together.  At the time, I had no idea of the value of those moments.  But I think you did…and I thank you for being the mother that you were to me, and for the love that you shared with me and our family, in your own unique way.

Some of the moments that bring smiles to my heart:

You always praised my cooking and baking.  When even I knew it was pretty bad, you would say, “That was different!”

When we would shop at Costo while I was pushing you in your wheelchair and you were pushing a cart ahead of the wheelchair.  You would have me pile so many items in the cart that I could hardly see to navigate your chair.

You insisted on buying  a “Grabber” for me.  I fought you on it, because I was “not old and didn’t need one.”  I think of you each time I use that thing!

You always had childlike wonder during holidays.  You loved things that reminded you of years past…and the years of raising us girls.  Some of those things that brought you joy were Jelly Beans, Easter Peeps, Candy Corn, Ribbon Candy, Flowers, Wreaths, Candles…the list goes on.  Christmas music and Christmas cards.  I miss writing our cards together, and reading the little notes you added to your cards.

You always thought of others.  Little gifts for friends/loved ones.  Many prayers each day that you offered for so many.  I am sure those prayers saved me on more than one occasion.

I miss the way you looked up at me over your cute reading glasses, to ask me how my day at work was.

I miss the way you insisted on seeing my outfit when I was leaving for work or an event, and always complimenting me. (it was nice to hear even if I did not always feel that I looked the way you said I did!)

I miss your blue eyes, and the way they teared up at Mass.

I miss the way you talked about how much you loved all of us sisters, and our growing families.

I especially miss the way you overlooked all of my weaknesses and loved me as I am.

I miss the way YOU NEVER GAVE UP.

Mom, you are loved and missed.  Hopefully, you are able to see those of us that are still living in this world, and you can feel the love we carry in our hearts for you, through the veil of heaven and earth.

Rest in the Love of The Lord. Until we meet again…

1 Peter 3:4: “You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

Deuteronomy 4:9: “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Luke 2:51: “And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


5 Comments

Trust and Acknowledge The Lord

My husband and I have been living here in Colorado for about two months.  Of course there are many stories that led up to this moment, and hopefully, many more stories and memories to come.

What is amazing to me, is the absolute beauty of this place, and how God led us one step at a time, to arrive at this very moment…surrounded by the sights and experiences that reveal His signature and His plan in our life.

Although, on the outside, it may have appeared as though my life has been easy and simple, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Actually, even I believed my life was “perfect” in every way.

I believed my family life growing up was loving and closely knit, and then I strived for what I felt was perfection in my marriage and while raising my sons.  I unknowingly created a type of “happy place” in my heart and mind, and did my best to bring peace, love and nurturing to my sons and husband.

Peace is the magical word for me…life was peaceful and happy, and peace is what I thrive on.

I started noticing glimmers that there was something wrong, when I would feel funny or icky when I was around my parents and sisters.  I first noticed this when I was in my twenties, and when I felt those strange feelings, I didn’t understand where they were coming from.  My family was close, and I loved them, so I attributed those negative vibes to my own character flaws…that I didn’t love them enough.

So I stuffed down those feelings…burying them deep.

This is how I traveled down the path of my life. Surrounded by the daily joys and hardships of marriage and raising a family, I focused on the day to day and tried to create a loving home, that was peaceful and welcoming.

What I was doing, was trying to give to my family what I did not have growing up. I guess that is what we all do.

I pushed past the many fears that I had (and still do) by avoiding them, unconsciously avoiding the anxiety and panic attacks that would be triggered.  Although I was starting to realize some of the realities of the childhood trauma I had suffered through along with my sisters, the revelations only came to me in unconnected bits and pieces.  As a layer would be peeled away, exposing a truth, it would take me quite awhile to comprehend and accept what was revealed.  Once I worked on that issue or memory/feeling, I would happily stay on that plateau…until another layer was exposed.

This has been my life for over thirty years. Working hard to deal with issues that keep popping up, and wondering why I can’t just let the past go and face my fears, which I have been admonished for by family members more than once. (this question was finally answered for me in this book)

I always believed in God…that was never a question for me.  What I was missing, was a relationship with Him, and strong faith.

When I was in my early thirties, I attended a renewal weekend at my Catholic Church.  One of the women was giving her witness of faith, and all I remember of her talk was “I forgive you, daddy.”  When I heard those words, pain and tears that I had buried came tumbling out in a torrent of anguish.

From that moment, I knew what the truth of my life was, and I knew that Jesus was with me …that He would never leave me, and that I would do all I could do to develop a relationship with Him.

Colorado Sunrise

It has been a long journey for me, and Jesus has never let go of me.  He has blessed me with my husband who is always there to love me, two sons and their beautiful families, and wonderful friends I have met along the way.

He has also blessed me with the gift of faith, that infuses me with the knowledge that all things work toward good for those who love Him.  I know that all joys, and also the suffering that is part of my life’s journey, will ultimately bring me home to Him.

This is true for all of us.

If you are not at that place of trust yet, take a moment to thank Jesus for all the blessings in your life, and ask Him for the gift of faith.  Everything will fall into place, but most probably, not in the way you would expect.  That is where the faith comes in. Click here for my post “Trusting the Winds of Change.”

So…back to our move to Colorado.  We grew up in Northeastern Ohio, and then lived in Northern VA/DC area for over twenty years.  autumns were beautiful in those areas, and fall is my favorite time of year.

We lived in Central CA for five years, to be near our first grandson. To learn how that fell into place, click here.   In that five years, another grandson was added to our family, and also two granddaughters in the Denver, CO area.  My son in CA just accepted a wonderful job opportunity in Denver, so their family moved to Fort Collins, Colorado, and so did we! The Lord orchestrated (through our other son and daughter in law) a way for us all to be living near eachother again, and my husband and I get to enjoy all of our grandchildren!

Central California has no fall…maybe a little tree or bush here and there.  So, I have been missing my favorite time of year…the colors!

When the beauty and colors of autumn exploded here, my heart just about exploded with it!  Jesus directed our path, and we ended up living in the most beautiful place I have ever seen in the fall!  Colors everywhere, and sunrises and sunsets that take my breath away.

Thank you, Lord, for the beauty of your creation, and for leading me in such a gentle way, allowing me to access the truth of my life, and for opening my mind and heart to your love and mercy.

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

 


19 Comments

The Desire of Our Hearts

Sometimes we forget that God knows our hearts better than we do.  

We trod along each day, searching for those things that we believe will make us happy.  As we attain our dreams and goals, we usually find that when we reach those goals, and actually have exactly what we were desiring, life still isn’t the perfect place we imagined it to be.  So, not understanding the truth and reality of life,  we move ourselves once again toward another imagined perfect scenario of happiness.

We all do it in one way or another.

It’s hard for us to understand that in many of life’s circumstances, there will always be a struggle…and with struggle, there is usually suffering.  We try to skip over the suffering part of life, because it can feel like the twisting of a knife in our soul.  It hurts so deeply, that sometimes we deal with it by ignoring or burying the pain.

That’s what I did for most of my life…ignored and buried the pain. I buried the memories and  feelings that I couldn’t bear to face, into different sections of my mind and heart…and lived  the life that I created for myself…my “happy place.”  For so many years, I strived for my own peace of mind, and to create a warm, inviting, loving home for my husband and sons.  All of my heart and soul were directed toward finding ways to make my family feel safe, loved and nurtured.

For many years, that goal brought me deep happiness, and I felt loved and at peace…until I didn’t.

Somewhere along the way, I started to become aware of a forgotten reality that would show itself to me in flashes and bits and pieces. Like the layers of an onion, the illusions that I held of my life started to peel away, one layer at a time.  As with an onion, the revealing truths that were exposed, caused stinging tears, pain, and heartache.

As I become more and more aware of my own feelings that I never allowed myself to feel,  and remember the reasons for the many issues that I struggle with every day, I am becoming closer and closer to Jesus.  Although sometimes things are unclear and confusing to me, I trust that I am being led to developing certain knowledge and virtues through the suffering.

No matter what life brings, or what pain I may be experiencing, I trust in the Lord. All things work toward good for those who love him.

God has always been with me.  He was there as I was suffering abuse and trauma as a child.  He was there with me as I shut down my feelings, and left my body, so I wouldn’t  experience the pain and horror that my little mind and heart could not fathom. He surrounded me with the gentle love that kept me together, until the time came for me to face all of what happened in our family, as my sisters and I were growing up.

Suffering brings us closer to Jesus (if that is what we choose) and helps us to develop love and empathy for those that we meet that are suffering.  Our eyes and hearts become wide open to knowing and seeing the deep pain and needs of those around us…especially when they experienced the same struggles that we did.

Our Lord doesn’t always protect and keep us from harm.  However, I believe that he is always working in ways we cannot fathom…giving us the opportunity to grow in faith, love and hope here on earth, leading us to the true desire of our hearts, which is eternal life with Him.

 

Take delight in the Lordand he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28