somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


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One Year of Life Since…

Mom with Baby Bernadette

Mom with Baby Bernadette

Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death.

Much has happened in that year’s time, including the birth of our first grandchild, and our move across country to be near him. There has been pain, suffering, fatigue, intense stress, confusion, and grief. However, there has also been a deepening of faith, excitement, joy, and a closeness with my mother that I never experienced before. I feel like her spirit, her heart, is one with mine. I can feel her presence all around me and feel her love for me, my sisters, and our whole family every day.

A few years ago, a friend of mine who lost her mom, told me that when you lose your mother, she is just “gone.” This friend did not have a close relationship with her mom before her death, however, when she shared those words with me, she had tears in her eyes. She was communicating her feeling of emptiness, and the reality that there would be no more stories, no more chances to ask her mom questions about her life and her experiences, no more chances to physically feel her mom’s love or to have the opportunity to show her mother how much she appreciated and loved her.

Sometimes we focus so much on ourselves and our own needs and pain, that we forget that our parents are human beings. They had a life before we were born, and had struggles and weaknesses to overcome just as we do. As we lived our lives and became more mature and “educated”, it was sometimes easy to overlook the lives of those closest to us, the ones who brought us into this world, and who loved us the most.  Many “eye-rolling” and “here we go again” moments…and many times, for legitimate reasons.

The love our parents showed us was the best they had to offer. Just as the love we showed them and to our own children, family and friends, was the best we had to offer at the time.

For we are all flawed. We are sinners.

I believe that when our loved ones die and are united with Jesus in heaven, and when our hearts are also open to Jesus, a connection is forged. The Communion of Saints.

That is what I am feeling very strongly from my mother. Especially today.   I know that sin and weakness no longer affects our relationship. We are joined in perfect love now, and nothing can take that truth away.

During this past year, many truths about my mom have been revealed to me. I would like to share some of them with you, in the chance that they may be of help to you. Such simple things that help to keep my heart filled with love and a smile.

 

How would I know:

That when you repeated the same stories over and over, you were sharing with us that these were some of your most treasured memories. At the time, it was frustrating to actively listen to those repeated stories over and over. In fact, I could repeat them word for word. However, now I feel so close to you when I remember those same stories, and imagine the scenes you described to me over the years of my life. You are helping me to know you and myself more and more each day, by understanding your life experiences.

That when you called me into your room each morning, or for special occasions, when I was rushing out the door, just to look at what I was wearing and how I looked for the day, that you were missing those “good old days” for yourself, and that it brought you much joy to see me “dressing up”, wearing make up, getting my hair done, wearing jewelry…and going out into the world.   You were living your memories through me and my life, and were sincerely happy for me…always telling me that I looked beautiful. Even when I didn’t feel beautiful, I saw my beauty through your eyes.

That when you requested certain foods or things during holidays or seasons, and they sat uneaten or unused, that you were reliving a time and season way past…from your growing up years, to your times with dad and our family life. It wasn’t the things themselves that were important to you; it was the connection, the memories associated with those things. Many things come to mind. Ribbon candy, Easter peeps, filled chocolate Easter eggs, jelly beans, candy corn, embroidery kits, Barbies, baby dolls, beanie babies. Also jewelry, red lipstick and nail polish, and your favorite fragrance, “White Shoulders.”

I have been wearing “White Shoulders” all week in memory of your last week here on earth. The connection between us, and the beauty during that painful and precious time will always astound me and fill my heart. I never thought that death could be beautiful, however, your passing from this world to the arms of Jesus was inspiring to me. You grew older gracefully with humility; and with a trusting heart, let go of us and the world to reach out to your next adventure.

Thank you for trusting me with your life during the time you lived with Joe and me, and thank you for loving and trusting me with your very life at the end.

It is an honor and privilege to be your daughter. I will always feel you with me, and will always strive to have your faith, humility, love and forgiving spirit.

Rest in the peace and light of the Lord, Mom! I love you.

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/spiritnot-personality/

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/09/29/remembering-my-mother-mary/

 

 

 


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The Fullness of Spirit

For a few years now I have been feeling something that I could not put my finger on, or explain to myself or anyone else.  Experiencing my mom’s last few days with her, before her death, intensified that mystical feeling within me.  Those days with my mother, truly a blessing, could only be described as overwhelming, intense love; a fullness in the physical space around me, spilling over into the interior of my heart and spirit.

That is the word to describe the feeling…fullness.  Since I have become closer to Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit, my being feels more dimensional and “full.”  No matter what is happening in the world, or around me in my personal life, that fullness inside me helps to keep me grounded in The Truth.  It helps me to look past whatever the physical or material reality is, and try to look at things through the eyes of the Lord.  Or is it the eyes of the Lord, who lives within me, looking through mine?

This fullness in the Lord helps me to react in a different way than when I was more hollow and one dimensional.   There are many dark spaces in my heart that the Lord is continuously revealing, forgiving, and healing, and  I know there is much spiritual growth ahead of me.  However, this feeling of deep love and joy…this fullness…

Helps me to see beyond:

The ones who arrogantly defy Jesus Christ and the Christians who follow Him.  It used to frighten me, and cause me to feel intimidated and angry.  Now I can see past their anger and pride.  When I look into their eyes or see the fruits of their lives, I see the hollowness.  I see the empty hole that they allowed to be filled with the demons and darkness of Satan.  And instead of judging them, I have empathy and compassion for them and pray for their conversion.  I pray for their hearts to be filled with the tender mercy and saving grace of Jesus.

People who are hard to be around; the ones who only see negative in all situations and just can’t seem to ever be happy.  I used to try to stay away from these people, because their negativity seemed to transfer straight to my core.  Not only could I not help them, but I would internalize and feel their darkness, and could not even help myself.  Now I have learned that I can not heal or fix them or myself.  The Lord reveals their heart to me, and helps me to look past actions or demeanors.  I pray that the Lord touches their hearts and illuminates the darkness that they are not even aware of.

Those that stand proud, because all in their lives is going “just as planned.”   They planned, did the work that needed to be done, and now they are basking in their accomplishments.  They are under the impression that they are the total reason for their success.  That all those other “less fortunate” people just didn’t do the right things…just didn’t work hard enough.  Their education, status, decision making skills, or their “genius” is what sets them apart from everyone else.  With no inkling at  all that “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” James 1:17   Knowing what I know from living the years of my life and seeing the ebbs and flows, I know that life will not always be “just the way they planned.”  I know there will be struggles and heartache.  So, I pray that the Lord reveals Himself to them, and opens their eyes, ears, and hearts to His saving love. And that they will have a solid foundation of faith through the storms that will come.

The evils that are evident in our world every day.  Those who are in rebellion against all that is Good, through blatant acts of sacrilege, perversity, unspeakable horrors of torture, abuse, murder, and the sacrifice and murder of babies in the womb.  When the evil of their actions are called out for what they are, the vileness of their spirits are revealed.  Have you ever witnessed the evil and hatred that spews out of the mouths that defend these behaviors?  You can actually feel a demonic presence, hear it in their voices, and see the blackness in their eyes.  In the past, I would have felt intense anger, fear and would have been judgmental.  Now, I am aware of the demons that reside in their spirits, and I am sad for them.  I show my love by praying for the Lord’s mercy on their souls, and for their conversion and healing.

Those who live their lives in quiet faith; that even though they stumble and fall along the way, they try to always live in the Lord’s Presence.  They seem content in their hearts and have a peace about them that is undeniable.   In the past, I would actually look for flaws…to make them more “real” to me.  Sometimes I still do that at times, I am ashamed to admit.  However, the Lord is guiding me to look beyond the physical, and focus on the hearts.  Everyone, no matter what their circumstance or what their life appears to be, needs prayers.  They need the Lord’s strength and grace in their lives, and I feel called to pray for all the Lord places in my life.

This fullness of spirit calls me to grow in His Love and His Presence.  It calls me to appreciate the communion of saints, and the power of prayer.  It calls me to follow and imitate the mercy of Jesus.

How is the Lord Jesus calling you?

Thank you, Jesus, for the mercy and love you bestow on me each and every day!  Please work through me to touch other hearts in need, especially when  I am at my weakest.

 

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.  Ephesians 6:11-13