Feeling Hopeless and Empty?

In the last few years, I have personally experienced a roller coaster of emotions and issues, which were brought on by circumstances that I did not fully understand…and probably will never understand. Trudging through the thickness of my own private internal battles, I have managed to learn a few life saving gems.

These gems are not the sparkle and glitz types that are flashed at us through clever, and somewhat deceiving marketing ads.  What I am talking about are true nuggets…the kind that are hidden in plain view.  The kind that summon and invite us in, and once these nuggets are discovered, accepted, polished and lovingly cared for, will actually sustain us for life.

I have found that when I am at my lowest, feeling hopeless and empty, there are two areas that need to be acknowledged and developed. This is true in all of us… I witness it through all of the sadness, depression, confusion, anxiety, hopelessness and despair of those around me.

At this moment in time, there is much darkness enveloping our world.  There is much that attempts to bring fear and despair into our hearts.

However, at the same time, there is always love to be found…goodness that finds a way to radiate from difficult or dark circumstances.

The nuggets that lead us to truly see and and experience goodness and love are the virtues of gratefulness and humility.

Humility is understanding that God is everything.  We are alive because God wills it…every grace and blessing in our lives is gifted to us by God.  It does not matter what the world thinks of us, or how human eyes view us.  God created each one of us, and He alone knows our souls, and knows our true purpose.  He loves us with a love that we cannot comprehend.  

Humility is understanding and accepting that we are nothing without Him.

Gratitude, naturally flows from humility.  Once we know with our minds and hearts that life is truly a gift from God, and that all good things come from Him, we can’t help but to thank Him for every blessing and grace in our lives. One way to develop gratefulness is to thank God every night for each blessing that we experienced that day.

I once read something profound that posed a question to my heart.  “What if you lost all the things that you did not thank God for?”

I try to thank God for everything in my life…starting with the fact that I am still alive. Listing out each of my senses, and how they are a blessing to myself, and can also lead to being a blessing to others.  I can walk. I have clean, running water. Hot showers. A cozy home. Food. Drinks. My husband. Friends. Family. Heat. Air Conditioning. We all have different blessings.

Once you get started thinking about all the goodness in your life, and know that God is the provider of all that is good…you start to see the world in a different way.  You start wanting to align yourself with God…and you learn to look up toward God for your joy and happiness, rather than continuing to search in all the wrong places for peace, joy and love.

Life is not easy, and never will be.  We are here to learn how to know, love and serve God.  And until we truly understand what it means to open our hearts and souls to the perfect love of God, we will struggle.  We must keep our faith in God, and know that we are saved through Christ Jesus. No matter how we continue to fall, and no matter how much we struggle and suffer…our hope and joy is in Him.

 

 

 

 

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One Year of Life Since…

Mom with Baby Bernadette

Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death.

Much has happened in that year’s time, including the birth of our first grandchild, and our move across country to be near him. There has been pain, suffering, fatigue, intense stress, confusion, and grief. However, there has also been a deepening of faith, excitement, joy, and a closeness with my mother that I never experienced before. I feel like her spirit, her heart, is one with mine. I can feel her presence all around me and feel her love for me, my sisters, and our whole family every day.

A few years ago, a friend of mine who lost her mom, told me that when you lose your mother, she is just “gone.” This friend did not have a close relationship with her mom before her death, however, when she shared those words with me, she had tears in her eyes. She was communicating her feeling of emptiness, and the reality that there would be no more stories, no more chances to ask her mom questions about her life and her experiences, no more chances to physically feel her mom’s love or to have the opportunity to show her mother how much she appreciated and loved her.

Sometimes we focus so much on ourselves and our own needs and pain, that we forget that our parents are human beings. They had a life before we were born, and had struggles and weaknesses to overcome just as we do. As we lived our lives and became more mature and “educated”, it was sometimes easy to overlook the lives of those closest to us, the ones who brought us into this world, and who loved us the most.  Many “eye-rolling” and “here we go again” moments…and many times, for legitimate reasons.

The love our parents showed us was the best they had to offer. Just as the love we showed them and to our own children, family and friends, was the best we had to offer at the time.

For we are all flawed. We are sinners.

I believe that when our loved ones die and are united with Jesus in heaven, and when our hearts are also open to Jesus, a connection is forged. The Communion of Saints.

That is what I am feeling very strongly from my mother. Especially today.   I know that sin and weakness no longer affects our relationship. We are joined in perfect love now, and nothing can take that truth away.

During this past year, many truths about my mom have been revealed to me. I would like to share some of them with you, in the chance that they may be of help to you. Such simple things that help to keep my heart filled with love and a smile.

 

How would I know:

That when you repeated the same stories over and over, you were sharing with us that these were some of your most treasured memories. At the time, it was frustrating to actively listen to those repeated stories over and over. In fact, I could repeat them word for word. However, now I feel so close to you when I remember those same stories, and imagine the scenes you described to me over the years of my life. You are helping me to know you and myself more and more each day, by understanding your life experiences.

That when you called me into your room each morning, or for special occasions, when I was rushing out the door, just to look at what I was wearing and how I looked for the day, that you were missing those “good old days” for yourself, and that it brought you much joy to see me “dressing up”, wearing make up, getting my hair done, wearing jewelry…and going out into the world.   You were living your memories through me and my life, and were sincerely happy for me…always telling me that I looked beautiful. Even when I didn’t feel beautiful, I saw my beauty through your eyes.

That when you requested certain foods or things during holidays or seasons, and they sat uneaten or unused, that you were reliving a time and season way past…from your growing up years, to your times with dad and our family life. It wasn’t the things themselves that were important to you; it was the connection, the memories associated with those things. Many things come to mind. Ribbon candy, Easter peeps, filled chocolate Easter eggs, jelly beans, candy corn, embroidery kits, Barbies, baby dolls, beanie babies. Also jewelry, red lipstick and nail polish, and your favorite fragrance, “White Shoulders.”

I have been wearing “White Shoulders” all week in memory of your last week here on earth. The connection between us, and the beauty during that painful and precious time will always astound me and fill my heart. I never thought that death could be beautiful, however, your passing from this world to the arms of Jesus was inspiring to me. You grew older gracefully with humility; and with a trusting heart, let go of us and the world to reach out to your next adventure.

Thank you for trusting me with your life during the time you lived with Joe and me, and thank you for loving and trusting me with your very life at the end.

It is an honor and privilege to be your daughter. I will always feel you with me, and will always strive to have your faith, humility, love and forgiving spirit.

Rest in the peace and light of the Lord, Mom! I love you.

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/spiritnot-personality/

https://somebodylovesmeblog.wordpress.com/2015/09/29/remembering-my-mother-mary/

 

 

 

True Source of Love

In the last week or so, my eyes and heart have been more fully opened to the daily struggles that oftentimes hinder joy, happiness and an intimate relationship with Jesus.  In fact,  many times the circumstances of life are proclaimed as the reason for lack of faith…souls in despair and darkness choose to blame God for their plight instead of inviting God into their lives and submitting their sins, struggle, and pain to Him.  Through that choice…made in stubbornness, fear, pride, or through the pain and deception of the evil one, darkness overtakes the life and very soul, leading to a life devoid of true love and joy.

These struggling souls do not need our condemnation.  What they need is prayer, that the Holy Spirit may cover them with love and peace, and that their hearts are opened to the intense love, mercy, and saving grace that only Jesus can provide.  They hunger for us to be strong enough in our relationship with Christ, that we can overlook the darkness and look for the spark of Jesus in their hearts.  They need our faith to be strong enough to be a light in their darkness…that we love and not judge. 

We have no idea how these souls arrived at the place where they are suffering and ‘stuck.’  They may or may not know.  However, the Holy Spirit knows the depth of each and every soul, and knows the root causes of choices made and the events that led to the damage in their hearts.

All of us have experienced pain, despair and darkness at different times in our lives.  It is only the saving grace of Jesus that set us free.  It is only the divine mercy and love of Jesus that fills our hearts and beings with an indescribable joy and peace.

This is the essence of Christianity…the desire to share this amazing love with as many hearts as we can.

Let’s take this day to offer our prayers to the Lord for someone in our lives that is suffering and in darkness.  Maybe we have tried to share Jesus with them, and they scoff or close their hearts.  They may even show intense anger when the name of Jesus is spoken.  Maybe we have provided for their needs, and given what we thought they needed, in love. However, those things are not their true need.

We must remember that their souls are crying out for the healing love of Jesus, even when they proclaim the opposite.

Let’s never forget where the TRUE SOURCE of love resides…

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  1 John 4:7-8

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:12-13

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4:8

 

 

 

Opportunities to Share God’s Love

This past weekend, my husband and I enjoyed some special time with my son, Joe, and his wife, Melissa.  They are in the process of moving to the west coast, so we were having some in-depth discussions about how the Lord is leading them.

After sharing a recent “God inspired” experience I had in a grocery store, my son wanted to share an experience he had.  As he started talking about it, his eyes filled and we could all feel his heart.  Here is Joe’s story:

He was grocery shopping as usual…up and down the aisles and very much in a hurry.  He was totally preoccupied with the swirl of activity and tasks that needed to be done.

An elderly woman came up to him, and said that she was from the homeless shelter and she wondered if he could help out.  She said “Please don’t be mad  that I am asking.”

Joe is the type of person that would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need.  However, in this case, with his mind on other things, he let her know he was not mad, but did not have cash with him.  She went on her way.

As soon as she walked away, he realized what he had done.  She was in need, and he could have paid for her groceries with his check card…he picked up a few more items he needed, and then looked for her in every aisle.  He could not find her.

Immediately, he started to pray.  “Lord, I know that you sent this woman to me, and I failed.  I didn’t help her in her need and give as Jesus would have.    Please, send someone else to me that is in need, and I promise that I will not let you down again.”

The next stop was the gas station.  As he was filling his tank, an SUV pulled in.  A man, that looked a little disheveled and exasperated, jumped out of his car, and walked over to Joe.  He asked if Joe could help him…even with just one gallon of gas so he could get down the road.  He shared that he has a large family and they recently decided to purchase the SUV so they can travel around comfortably.  Then he lost his job….and now he can’t even afford to put gas in it.  He was a broken man.

Joe told him to pull his vehicle over to the pump and filled it for him.  The man could hardly believe what was happening, especially with the price of gas being what it is.

Joe asked if he knows the Lord, and asked if he could pray with him…

After hearing Joe’s story, you could have heard a pin drop.  Our hearts were filled with the wonder of God’s love and grace.

So many opportunities are placed in each of our lives every day.  Many times we stop and give of ourselves and share Christ’s love, and many times those opportunities to love slip through our hands.

May we always have the humility to ask the Lord for forgiveness in the times we do not give of ourselves fully, and ask for new opportunities to share our love, gifts, and blessings with those He places on our path every day.

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.  1 John 4:8

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.  1 Corinthians 13:13

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.   John 3:16

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