somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


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Real Love and Valentine’s Day

From My Heart to Yours   From My Heart to Yours

Valentine’s Day is a sweet reminder in our daily lives of the love that we are blessed with.  For me personally, the day touches my heart in a special way with gratitude for all the people that have touched my life… my family and friends, and especially my husband, Joe.

The special love I speak of is not the kind that requires red roses, diamonds, or chocolates.  Those things are nice and always appreciated, however, this is much deeper than any of those types of gifts can convey.

So Joe…this is my Valentine thank you for the real love you show me each and every day; the way that you help me to see the beauty in myself.  That true love can only be inspired and sourced in the Holy Spirit…thank you for your faith and openness to be a vessel of His love.

Some of the ways you show me that I am loved:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not  proud.

You have a quiet confidence that allows you to be happy and supportive toward others.  Even when I am off track or floundering…you are my “even keel”. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Your deep, thoughtful desire to help, honor and respect all the ones God places in your daily life amazes and inspires me.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

When I get overwhelmed with the negative of an event or situation, you always help me to see past it and focus on the good.  Many times you help me see past my own flaws and weaknesses, and help me to see the goodness within myself.

 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

You are my safe haven in this life, and we are united in hope and perseverance to become the people the Lord intends us to be for his divine plan.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The Lord has blessed us with Himself, and through his love, mercy and grace, the love we share will never fail.  You will always be in my heart… in this life and the next.

I love you, Joe!  And by the way, Happy Valentine’s Day!


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The Monsters We Create

The other night, I happened to see a discussion of the movie “The Bride of Frankenstein.” Upfront, I need to let you know I have never seen a Frankenstein movie and have never read the book. It just did not interest me. Although I usually do not put any credence in what “stars” say, Drew Barrymore’s  words interested me. She said it was a beautiful movie, with lots of symbolism. She also inferred there was a strong ethical and moral theme throughout the story, and a person could not help feeling sadness and compassion for the “monster”.

My curiosity was aroused, so I watched the movie.

Then I had to watch it again with my husband. This movie was filmed in 1935. There are many scenes that modern movie enthusiasts might laugh at, because of the acting and low technology, according to today’s standards. However, what I saw was a truly beautiful film, with much symbolism and reference to God, good, and evil. That kind of shocked me…I was not expecting that. Here was a monster that was created from dead bodies, and given “life” by crazed scientists. When the monster acted like a monster, the people were horrified, terrified, so of course they turned against him. They did not understand him, and were too afraid to even be in his presence. The monster stumbled his way around, because he simply knew no other way. He killed a few people indiscriminately, some of them by accident.

One truly beautiful scene, was when a lonely blind man was playing his violin in his little shack. The monster heard the music, and was drawn in by the beauty. He opened the door to the shack, and expected the man to scream and run. Since the man was blind, he did not do that. He literally prayed to God in thanksgiving…thanking God for sending him a friend in his loneliness. The man nursed the wounds of the monster, provided him with food and drink, and even tucked him into a comfortable bed, so he could rest. He accepted the monster as he was, without preconceived judgment. Not only did the man minister to his new “friend’s” needs, he also taught him to talk, and shared some finer things of life with him…namely wine and cigars. They became friends to each other. Because of the man’s blindness, he was able to show love without fear; he did not see the monster in his friend.

At that time, some men who were lost, happened to come into the man’s shack and saw the monster. They tried to kill him, and pulled the man out. The shack was left burning, and you see the monster escaping out of the flames, sadly calling out for his friend.

I won’t tell you the ending of the story, because I don’t want to completely ruin it for you. But let’s just say, the monster ended up having more humanity than the humans that created him had. I know it sounds weird, but that movie truly touched my heart. How many times do we create “monsters” and then turn our backs on them?

We allow the removal of God from our schools, and then are shocked when throngs of young adults turn their backs on God and the Church. And then, because of political correctness, we allow them to continue on their Godless path without a word, because we do not want to “offend” anyone.

We allow and condone the killing of unborn babies, the “innocents”, and then we wonder why there is so much violence and murder…and such disrespect for life in general. Again, we remain silent, after all, isn’t killing a baby in the womb a woman’s right? Really???

We allow our children to play violent, gory, evil games for hours on end, and then wonder why they cannot relate to people in a normal, healthy, loving way. In extreme cases, they play out their killing games in real life. Again, we make excuses. It’s only a game, it’s only a movie, it’s only music. Again I say…Really???

We allow the infiltration of our society’s minds, including our children’s innocent minds, with immodesty, promiscuity, and disgusting behavior. Then we cringe and back away when we see the results. Physical disease and debilitating emotional and spiritual sickness, unwanted pregnancies, suicide. But we often just want to turn away from what we have created. We judge and point our fingers at the “sinners.”  After all they chose that lifestyle, and need to repent. Right???

Because of busy work schedules and lifestyle choices, we spend less and less time together as families. Family meals are far and few between. Because of “smartphones” and other technologies, we have lost the art of personal communication and relationships. Families communicate through pithy and clever phrases, and don’t take the time to truly discuss feelings, dreams and beliefs. Our children are floundering…they are hungry for unconditional love and attention. But we are doing as much as we can; our family needs our two jobs, and we all need to be “active” and involved in community and recreational activities. We are exhausted…no time for anything else. Right???

Maybe we should all step back, and breathe in the love of God. Maybe then we will realize all the monsters we are creating on a daily basis…once created, the monsters we would like to ignore. The monsters we would like to destroy.

However, those “monsters” are our children, our friends, our family, our community, our country. The monsters are us. Instead of going with our first instinct of turning away in fear and disgust, we need to  look toward God for the grace to love His children in blindness to their circumstance and guilt, and love them for the beauty that  He sees inside their hearts.

Jesus sees the hurt, pain, sin, and darkness that we all have in our hearts. He is waiting for us to open ourselves in faith, submission and humility.

That is how our world will be converted to a much more beautiful place. With less monsters.


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Becoming Real

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.  

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams BiancoThe Velveteen Rabbit

Wow, after all these years of reading this excerpt from “The Velveteen Rabbit,” my heart still fills up and overflows through my eyes.

This beautiful story was one of my favorites since I was a little girl.  My sister, Patti, used to read it to me over and over again.  Sometimes I have to wonder how much I understood…which words reached out and grabbed my child self…how much did I truly understand?

Sometimes we don’t need to understand.  Sometimes love touches us in ways we can never explain. 

This world that we live in, is always attempting to teach us that real love is easy, always sexy, and  beautiful…according to the “world’s” standards.

We are led to believe that we all need to be “sexy” and are bombarded with companies that want to fill that need.  With skin care, cosmetics, hair products, books, health drinks, drugs, clothes, plastic surgery…the list goes on and on.

We are also led to believe that the moment our marriage (or relationship) is no longer the way the world deems it should be, in order to be fulfilled and happy, we must leave that marriage.

Don’t believe the lie.

True love is not always pretty.  True love is not always “sexy.”  True love is not always easy.

However, true love touches us and fills us like nothing else.  It is the one thing that we are looking for and is always there right before our eyes.

We just need to open our eyes

To see the beauty of a couple working through struggles that are piercing their hearts like daggers…but they refuse to give up on each other, or their marriage.

To see the beauty of a family, engulfed in pain and grief, surrounding their dying loved one with love, peace, and comfort. And to see the beauty of a soul detaching from this world, and being drawn to another.

To see the beauty of aging, and to realize that those “old” people we are seeing, and sometimes ignoring, have a lifetime of wisdom and experience that they could share with us…if we would just take the time to listen.

To see the beauty in those with open hearts, and no matter what they are experiencing in their own personal lives, always have the time to give something of what they have.

To see the beauty of suffering.  Yes…suffering will always exist in this world.  The beauty comes in uniting our suffering with Jesus on the cross, looking past the pain and hardship, and seeing Jesus through it all.

To not just focus on the risen Christ, but on the real love and suffering it took to get to that place.  Jesus did not save us by the “love” that the world teaches.  It was not pretty, or easy.

What it was…was REAL.

What Jesus gave us is everything.

Do we understand what “real” and true love really are?  Do we truly understand?

Real is the suffering, and the giving, that eventually show up as “most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.”

“Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

Being real doesn’t happen all at once.  “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.”

Being real is the day to day infusion of God’s love, and the openness to truth and mercy.

Let us all strive to be real. That is what the world truly needs.


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This Very Moment in Time

 

Each one of us was designed and created by God specifically to be in this world, this country, this state, this community, this family, at this very moment in time.

There is much havoc being wreaked all around us.  Many are terrorized by the thought of themselves or loved ones being infected with Covid 19, while others wrestle with the loss of freedoms regarding lockdown orders, business, school and Church closings, and mandatory masks.  As Americans, we are in the process of election fraud investigations and recounts, and many are anxiety ridden regarding the outcome of the election…which makes complete sense, being that the two candidates stand for agendas going in two completely different directions.

Whichever the outcome, there will most likely continue to be distrust and unrest.

When you look around, it’s hard not to see the lack of respect, integrity and civility that has taken to the airwaves and streets.  Walking through our communities, peering at each other over our Covid masks, it’s as though we don’t even see each other as people anymore…but more as walking germ spreaders.  Eyes are averted, so it is hard to connect with each other.

We are on high alert regarding the political leanings of those around us…many are extra sensitive and triggered by any spoken word that may be different from their belief system.

With all that is happening in our daily world, I believe that it is the time to take a step back.  Use this time to really listen to the ones around you on a daily basis. STOP listening to the news, social media and news sites…put those things on PAUSE.

Listen to your family, friends and loved ones.  Really hear what they are saying…reassure them that you love them and are there for them.  Find ways to connect.

Stop focussing on the overwhelming issues that are blazing now…trust that God is weaving the perfect outcome, through each one of us. (whether we are aware or not)

We each have a purpose.  Ask Our Lord to reveal that purpose to you…however, you are already IN that purpose.  There are those in your life that God entrusted to YOU.

Love those people.  Protect those people.  Guide those people.  See Jesus in them, and allow them to see Jesus in you.  

We are all in this together…that fact is clearly evident at this time in history.  As Catholics, as Christians, our purpose is to edify each other, pray for each other, and help each other on our journeys to heaven.

Take time to learn your faith, and develop your relationship with Jesus.  Live in Jesus, and invite Him to live within you.

The temptation is to give in to fear, remain isolated, or to lash out.  Ask Jesus to show you a different way…ask him to touch those around you with his love.  Ask him to work through you, even when you are at a loss of knowing what to do.

Remember, you are here at this very moment in time.  You are valuable, and you never know when someone’s life trajectory will be changed because you cared enough to reach out.  You being here RIGHT NOW is no accident.  

God created you for this moment!

Each and every circumstance of life right now is in his will.  It is either his will, or he has allowed a circumstance for a purpose we do not understand.  Trust in Him.  Do not trust feelings.  Trust in Him.  Do not trust manmade solutions. Trust in Him.  Do not trust political parties. Trust in Him. Do not trust everything that is being fed to you through news and social media. Trust in Him.

Learn to discern through His Catholic Church on Earth…through Scripture.

Stay close to Jesus.  Read His Holy Word…The Bible.  Attend Mass. Receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Communion. Pray the Rosary. Pray for each other, The Church, America, and the world. Pray for eyes and hearts to be opened, and for conversions to Jesus.  Learn your faith.

Most important of all, love God and love each other.  For that is why we are here at this very moment.

 

 

 

 


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Love Moments

Each day, we are bombarded with darkness in the news.  Story after story of atrocities are being revealed and exposed to us by the minute.  We are allowing ourselves to be guided into a sort of numbness and helplessness by the stories that are purposely chosen to be released to us through the media.

We are not being told the whole story.

Yes, this world is filled with darkness.  And in my opinion, it is a good thing that we are becoming more aware of the sin and evil that always existed in the shadows.  Now, we don’t have to look too far to discover evil…it is right in front of our faces twenty-four hours a day.

However, grace, kindness and mercy also flows around us each day.  We only need to search for goodness and ask that our eyes be opened so that we may see it.

A few months ago, I started a job at an Assisted Living Retirement Community.  The facility where I work is beautiful and offers much in the way of life enrichment.  I have fallen in love with the residents, and also with the beautiful staff that cares for them, and shows love in so many ways.

Let me share a few of the moments I have witnessed…

Wonderful exchanges between friends, where one is hard of hearing.  Watching as the one friend patiently repeats, slowly and loudly, until the friend can understand.  This happens over and over throughout the day, and I have never seen impatience or mean-spiritedness in the interactions.

One resident in particular, is a blessing to all by her calmness of spirit, and her willingness to help.  Not only does she greet and speak with each person she encounters, she has also been extremely patient and helpful with me, while I was training for my position.

Residents that are filled with pain or with bent bodies, refusing to give up.  They face each day as it comes and push forward one step at a time.  They refuse to give up.

Family members that visit their loved ones almost every day.  The daily struggle of their own lives, plus the concern and emotion they feel regarding their family members that are living at the Assisted Living Community, are very evident. They are feeling many different emotions as life pulls them in different directions.  However, they are there to share love and comfort…they are there to share themselves.  It is a beautiful thing to witness.

Many family members live too far to visit a lot.  On Mother’s Day, I watched love and pride radiate on the face of one mother when she first saw her family walk in the door.  Then my heart was pierced, along with hers, as I saw her goodbye embrace with her son, that she doesn’t see regularly… Love is such a beautiful, powerful force, that is so hard to even comprehend.  A mother’s bond with her child is unexplainable.

When someone is having an “off” day, I watch as community members try to guide their friends to socialize and participate in events.  I do not see judgement in play.  What I see is an inner knowing and understanding of the difficulties that others may be experiencing, and their concern for that person.

A hand on a shoulder, a hug, a warm smile, an invitation, a conversation, validation, acceptance, service, love…these wonderful expressions of love are all around us each day.  You may not have the opportunity to see the same love moments that I do, but I can guarantee that they are happening no matter where you are.

Look for those moments.  For when you find them, you will find Jesus.


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Change the World

Somehow, the horror of the Las Vegas shootings sparked me to turn a corner in my faith life, in a way that I haven’t felt before.

More than ever, my eyes are opened to seeing a world filled with emptiness and confusion …allowing Satan to work through hearts without solid faith in Jesus and the protection of the Holy Spirit.

I am hearing and seeing pure hatred spewing from many mouths, from many different directions.  This hatred is revealed through despair, bitterness, deception, immorality, and the inability or downright refusal to accept love, forgiveness, and the mercy of God.  I am seeing much arrogance, pride and greed…which opens doors to the evil one.

No matter what laws are changed, or what the “experts” suggest we should do to stop the carnage, the hatred and evil seem to be exponentially growing.

Do you know why?  Because the government, the thought police, and new laws will never have the ability to change the hearts of men.  The only way to change the hearts of men is through God…the Holy Spirit.

Which leads me to what the Lord revealed to me last week while I was at Mass.  Since the Vegas shootings, I have been trying to attend daily Mass regularly, and have been praying that the Lord show me where I need to make changes, and how I fit in to His plan.  How I can be a vessel of His love, so that eyes will be opened and hearts converted.

When I attend daily Mass, I walk to the Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa.  The Mission is peaceful and reverent, and I feel encircled by God when I am there.

So, on this particular day, after I received the Holy Eucharist, I walked down a side aisle and passed the Tabernacle.  Out of habit, I bowed.  In a split second, I remembered  that the Tabernacle was empty, because the chalice containing the Body of Christ was removed for the Communion distribution.  At the same time I was having that thought, the Lord said to me, “I am not in the Tabernacle…it is empty.  I am now within YOU.”

Wow, that thought hit me like a ton of bricks.  When we receive  Jesus in the Eucharist, each one of us is a Tabernacle.  Jesus is truly within us. He is in us, and we are in Him at the same time.  He sees through our eyes, hears through our ears, touches through our hands, and loves through our hearts.  At the same time, we see through His eyes, hear through His ears, touch through His hands, and love through His Sacred Heart.

Doesn’t that fill you with joy?  Doesn’t it also give new meaning to living in such a way that our lives glorify the Lord?  He is living inside us…and we are responsible for all the places we take Him to…the images, sounds, smells, experiences, thoughts.  Nothing is hidden.  Nothing.

We, as Christians,  need to stop living for ourselves, and make the decision to live for God.  To be a blessing to our friends, family, and all we meet.  To constantly confess our sins, repent, and accept the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy.  To live in a way that glorifies GOD, not ourselves.  To pray and make sacrifices for forgiveness of sins and the conversion of souls.

For that is the part we all play in the Lord’s Divine Will…each of us in our own unique way.  We must be an oasis of light and love for the Lord to work through.  One heart at a time.

That is what will change the world.  Only the Truth and Love itself…Jesus.

 

 


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See ME

Today, as I was sitting waiting for Mass to start, I was looking at my fellow parishioners, and asked the Lord to help me find the best in people.

As soon as I asked the question, I heard the words, “See ME.”  Wow, the Lord actually told me to see him in each and every person that I come across.

Immediately, the commercial that is selling a prescription drug for a skin condition jumped into my thoughts.  The tagline is “see ME”… instead of “see my skin issue.”

Aren’t we all internally desiring for our loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and co-workers to see who we REALLY are inside?  Don’t we wish for them to overlook our imperfections, sins, issues, or flaws, and see what lies deep in our hearts? Sometimes, we don’t even know who we truly are, and can not comprehend the goodness or beauty that lies within us.

Actually, that goodness that resides in our hearts (sometimes hidden to us and others) is not us at allit is the Holy Spirit.  It is Jesus that pulsates in our hearts, filling us with his presence, mercy, and love… whether or not we actually feel it ourselves. 

Today, I was reminded again, to see Jesus in each person that I meet in my day.  To look past the “warts”…the flaws… and to focus on the Jesus that resides inside that person.  To look into each pair of eyes lovingly,  with the intention of drawing out the goodness.  Not to focus and judge surface appearance or behavior, but to attempt to learn their story and what needs they may have, offering support and validation.

When we can learn to do that, we will be true vessels for the Lord to work through.  Touching those in need (and we ALL are in need) with the love, mercy, and forgiveness of Jesus.

As each heart is opened to the Truth of who lives inside, one by one…heart by heart…the world will be illuminated and changed.  

Sometimes, a person needs to know that “somebody loves me” before accepting that “Jesus loves Me.”  Let’s be “that somebody” that allows the love of Jesus to flow through us.

Dear Jesus, I ask that you fill my heart with your presence and love, and help me to look past all that is clouded by the darkness of sin, and focus on the Truth.  That only You are the way, the truth and the life, and that you can be found in every human being.  Please open our hearts and minds to the knowledge that all we need to do is accept and believe in your saving love and  grace!

 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.  John 14:6

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own?  1 Corinthians 6:19

Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4:8


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Dreams of Love

Today is the day to share a dream that was an amazing blessing.  When I think about what was revealed in this dream, it fills me with the comfort and love that could only radiate from God, and strengthens my faith.

This soul touching dream occurred on the night of Sunday, February 12, 2017.  Hopefully, you will absorb what my husband and I did when we understood the connection between the two of us that night…that could only be explained through the power of the Holy Spirit in our marriage.

When I woke up on Monday morning, the dream I had the night before was etched in my mind and heart vividly.  In my dream, there was an older man that I loved deeply, that was dying.  He was lying there, and it felt anguishing and surreal as I was comforting him.  While I was holding his hand, he lifted his head, and his face was radiant.  I followed his gaze and saw a sort of rolling light/fire/water.  It was a soft triangle of light, moving in a live, flickering way.  It was royal blue in color and white toward the middle.

The light moved and entered the man, and then moved through him and  filled me.

It was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced.  A warmth and love that is indescribable.

So…after I shared and explained my dream with Joe, my husband, he was quiet.  I then asked him if he had any dreams the night before.

He said that he dreamt he had died, but he didn’t realize he was dead at first.  He walked over to a fireplace, and at that moment he started to see in black and white, which let him know he was dead, and he saw that he was a spirit…like a white mist.  He saw me, in our bed, inconsolable.  He wasn’t sure how to help me, so he allowed his spirit to enter my body, and as soon as he did, I was at peace.

Wow!

Although this connecting dream, between my husband and I, was about death, it did not scare me or make me feel anxious.  We both were amazed at how the Holy Spirit has blessed us in our marriage, truly making us one in Him.  Also, we feel comfort in knowing that death is not the end…that there is much more waiting for us.

It is my intent and prayer, that by sharing this dream, your heart will be inspired with love, faith, joy and mercy,

God is real.  Jesus is real. The Holy Spirit is real.  

May all of us continue to open our hearts to God’s love.  Do not be confused as to where and what the Source of Love is.  It is not found in the world…it is found in Jesus.

 

 

 


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No Eye Has Seen

But as it is written, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.”  1 Corinthians 2:9          

 

This bible verse has been one of my favorites for many years.  The mere thought that as humans, our senses  can not even fathom the wonders that await us…prepared by God who loves us and desires to draw us to Him!

Imagine the most magnificent sights you have ever enjoyed.  They are countless, however, a few stand out for me.    The faces and smiles of my husband, sons, grandson, family, and friends.  Gorgeous sunrises and sunsets.  Never ending stars twinkling in a black sky.  A rainbow. Niagara Falls.  The beauty of one rose, or the splendor of a field of wildflowers.

Imagine the most beautiful sounds you have ever heard.  For me, that would include the consoling and refreshing sound of the waves breaking on the shore, the musical notes and harmonies of birds singing in the morning, and the pure delight of hearing babies’ giggles and the sweet voices of my loved ones.

Now, without reservation, imagine what would be the “perfect heaven” for you.  Our imaginations can run wild with this one…all of the things that we feel would make us perfectly happy.  What are those things for you?

Anything that our eyes, ears, and mind can reveal to us, will never even come close to what God has already prepared for us.  His love, mercy, and vision for our lives and our future with him are out of our realm of understanding or discovery.  Wow…we are so loved by God, that he has made preparations for us so wondrous, that we can not grasp the full beauty of it!

Now read the verse again…“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.”

“For those who love him” jumped out at me a few days ago while reading this verse.  I had never thought about that aspect of this verse before.

Many times, those that consider themselves “saved” will nonchalantly answer “Jesus loves me just as I am, no matter what I do” when confronted with the truth regarding sin in their life. Essentially, we tend to make excuses for our behavior, believing that Jesus will love us know matter what our actions or thoughts are.  And he will.

However, this verse does not say “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those that he loves.”  It specifically states…for those who love him.

Think about that…in what ways do you love Jesus?  In what ways do you attempt to grow closer to him?  What are the ways that you show him you care for him and want him in your heart…in your life?

In a true loving relationship, the focus is not on “me.”  The focus is, “what can I do to please my loved one?”  What changes in my life would  bring joy and happiness to the one I love?  How do I make a conscious effort to love God?

Dear Lord, please fill me with your Holy Spirit.  Open my eyes, ears and mind to the ways I can show my love for you.  Engulf me in your mercy and love, and allow me to open my heart as a vessel for your love to flow through to all who live in darkness.  Teach me to love you.

 

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear, Nor has the eye seen a God besides You, Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.  Isaiah 64:4

But as it is written, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that God has prepared for those who love him.”  1 Corinthians 2:9  

 

 


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How Does Your World Change When Your Father is Gone?

How does your world change when your father has passed on, and is no longer with you?

“Papa Bill” with Grandson Joey

I cannot speak for all of you, for what your story is, or what you are feeling.  All I can do is share what my personal reality is…with the knowledge that as I continue to walk my journey, that reality may change.  As it has changed in the last fourteen years…since my father, Bill Makosky,  passed away.  To read my tribute to my dad, written a year after his death, click here.

When my father died, I went numb, and then into auto pilot.  So many things to do, so many people to interact with,  and so many reasons to stay strong for my mother and family.  Although my heart knew the grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that  lurked beneath the surface, I instinctively protected the depth of those feelings…and chose to reveal only a facade to the world around me.

My mother was alone after his death,  and needed to be with loved ones.  A year after my dad died, my husband and I  invited her to come live with us…which meant she had to make that very hard decision to leave all she knew, and the home that she and dad had lived in for most of their married life together.  She moved from the small town of Youngstown, OH, to Manassas, VA…which is essentially the crazy Washington D.C. area.  And my sisters and I, all did what we needed to do to help her purge most of what she owned, sell her home, (the home we all grew up in) and then move in with us.

Mom ended up living with us until her death, in 2015. During that time, I kind of took her lead, regarding her grieving the loss of my dad.  In the beginning, she talked about him a lot, and was kind of living in her own reality regarding the man he was.  It was obvious to me that they have always loved each other, through any storm that hit them or our family.  However, when she talked about him, refusing to aknowledge his weaknesses, or the way some of his words and actions affected my sisters and me, it touched a place inside of me that I could no longer ignore.  

Carefully, I would remind her that I grew up in our house, and I knew the truth.  As the years went by, she was more able to accept the goodness of my dad, and also the darkness that he harbored.  We were able to talk about it at times, and although we made that breakthrough, I focused mostly on my relationship with her, and kind of put the death of my father on the back burner.

That changed when my mom passed away, for then I was orphaned.  The foundation of our family, and the roots that connected us no longer existed.  No reasons left for me to gloss over the fact that my father is dead.  

He is gone. 

And I miss him very much!

How did my world change when my father passed on?  A few things come to mind…

No more “hi dads,” and “hi Buns” (he called me Bun) and seeing his face light up when he saw me and his grandsons.

No more seeing him at our door, carrying his paper, and anything else he decided to bring over…like coffee cake or donuts.

No more dad to call when my life was in turmoil…like when my marriage was young and stormy.  He would listen to my cries of anguish, then comfort and support me…while at the same time, never once uttering  a negative thing about Joe…my husband and his son in law.

No more dad to call when I was excited about something in our life, or when there were troubles or sadness.

No more father’s day cards or gifts to choose…or birthdays or holidays to celebrate together.

No more dinners together, and waiting for his reaction to the dishes I prepared.

No more arguments with him, and no more chances to view him from the eyes of one flawed adult to another…no more chances to pray for him, and for the healing of his hurting soul.

The world is still turning…hours, days, months, and years spin by.  And although it is a beautiful world, created and gifted to us to enjoy and treasure, I have finally come to the place where I feel the emptiness of being fatherless in this world.

It is a void that cannot be totally filled by memories.

However, my heart is miraculously filled with an intense love that includes the hearts of my mom and dad.  That love pierces through the pain and grief of losing our loved ones,  It is a love and warmth that could only come from the source of love itself...Our Heavenly Father.

May God bless you on Father’s Day, and each and every day that you are blessed to live and love, in this beautiful world!

 

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  Deuteronomy 5:16