somebodylovesmeblog

Sharing God's love with the world, one heart at a time.


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A Different Kind of Illumination

It was always my belief that as my relationship with Jesus grew,  and my understanding of The Catholic Faith became stronger, that somehow my mind and soul would become enlightened, and I would be infused with deep spiritual truths and secrets that were not available to everyone.

I was waiting for the illumination of truth that was outside of myself…kind of like waiting for the universe to open to me and for “magic” to happen.

In reality, something very different is happening.  The more I learn and grow, and the more I pray, a different illumination is taking place that I never expected…even though I actually prayed for it.

I prayed that The Holy Spirit would shine light into the darkness that exists in my soul, and draw the unknown dark areas out, that I may be healed and filled more fully with his Presence.  When I prayed those requests, I am not sure I even thought about how this would happen…how God would heal me.

I put my trust in the healing power of Jesus, and asked Him to work in me and through me.

The illumination that is occurring is not enlightening me with unknown secrets that will magically make things better.  It is not an easy or instantaneous fix.

What I am experiencing, is the revelation, one by one, of forgotten sins.  Ways that I offended God, ways that I hurt other people. Past sins that were committed due to my lack of faith, and also due to my weaknesses and bad choices.   And also sins that I am guilty of now, and how those sins have hurt and are still hurting those that I love.

What is being illuminated, is how I have sinned against God in so many ways, and how I am not worthy.  

Through this difficult process, I  feel guilty, ashamed, horrified, helpless, vulnerable, and very small. I wonder how Jesus could still love me, through all of that muck.

And then I remember… Jesus never left me.  He was always right there, suffering alongside me, through all the pain I went through… even though I found many ways of pulling away from him or keeping him at arms length.

As I am convicted of sin after sin, I am extremely grateful for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  That through my confession, Jesus himself forgives me through the Priest who is my confessor, and I am given grace through that sacrament.

If there are dark areas that you are struggling with, know that Jesus is right there with you, waiting for you to acknowledge them.  Trust in Jesus, and in the Sacrament of Reconciliation that he gifted you with in His Holy Catholic Church.  Reach out for the graces and peace that await you.

He loves you and is waiting for youdon’t keep him waiting too long.

 

For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.  Luke 8:17

May the God of peace himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do this. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

 

 


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You Can’t Share What You Don’t Have

“You can’t share what you don’t have.”

Those words, spoken to me by my priest during the Sacrament of Reconciliation, pierced through the haze I had been experiencing, and truly touched my heart.  I had confessed that I  should be sharing Jesus and his merciful love with others; that I should be doing more.

I was at the point where I knew what I should be doing, but wasn’t so sure how to carry it out.

That’s when he enlightened me by saying “You can’t share what you don’t have.”  When the words found my heart, there was an immediate feeling of shamefulness and confusion.  “I believe in God…I have faith, and try to do the right things.  So what does he mean?”

When confession was over, and Father gave me absolution, my spirit felt at peace.  At the time, I had no idea that my faith life would change so drastically over the next two years.

Spiritual reading  started to become  a natural part of my life.  It seemed as though I would come across the exact book I needed at particular times of need.  There was so much to learn.  Through rosary meditations and prayers, my relationship with Jesus started to grow in an intimate way for the first time.  Now that our relationship was growing, he started to reveal my areas of weakness.  As I felt closer and closer to the Lord, you would think I would feel more righteous and sin free.  However, as I am sure you already know, things worked a different way.  More and more sins were being revealed to me.  There was a big difference in my acknowledgement of those weaknesses and sins.  Where before, I would feel hopeless and self accusing, now as I became aware of them, I confessed and repented of them.  I learned to turn all of myself…including my sins and weaknesses, over to the Lord.

My eyes and heart started opening to all of the people around me, who were experiencing darkness, pain, suffering, loneliness and were walking around in the  same  haze I was once in.

The Lord filled my heart with a comforting, deep, intense love that helps me to understand some of the needs of the people I interact with daily.  He is helping me to learn to listen for his voice…and to take a step in faith to share his love in some way, according to the need.

I have found that the more time I spend learning about Jesus, and just being with him, the more my heart overflows with love for those he places in my life.  And I have found that the love doesn’t come naturally for me…it flows through me from the one source of mercy and pure love.

That kind of love only comes from Jesus.  And you can’t help but share it!

 

1 John 4:8 – He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

1 Peter 4:8 – And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

1 Thessalonians 3:12 – And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: