As the years go by, I can look back and see how God was always working in and through my life. At the time, I usually could not see his answers to my prayers, but I kept on praying in faith, not understanding why “God wasn’t answering my prayers.”
However, one time in particular, I received a concrete, hit you in the face kind of answer. For me, it was a clear sign that the Lord was directing me.
When I was in my thirties, I knew something was not right in my spirit. I was blessed with a family whom I loved very much, but I had difficulty feeling joy. I also needed help with internal struggles…namely impatience, anger, and extremely low self-worth. I decided to reach out for guidance and help, and started counseling. By the way, the intense counseling revealed many layers of experiences and hurt that I had welled up inside myself…and the counseling ended up lasting for two and a half years.
One Sunday, I was on my knees before Mass, and I was praying to God for him to send me a sign. My counseling/therapy sessions were going well, helping me to acknowledge and let go of much pain and hurt that had been festering for many years. I trusted my therapist immensely…his name was Tom.
I was praying because I was then a part of a Renewal Group at Church… and I felt completely supported in love. Our Renewal Group had weekly Bible Studies, and I was praying and studying scripture like never before.
My question to God was this…should I stop going to counseling now that I had more peace in my life and had the Renewal Team to support me?
I had the audacity to ask God for a sign.
My head was bowed, and my eyes were closed. After my prayer, I straightened up, opened my eyes, and there was Tom, my therapist, looking at me and smiling. I did not even know he attended my Church. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I knew the answer that God had sent me was to continue my counseling with Tom. As I said before, I continued with him for two and a half years, and that experience/work with Tom put me on the track of where I am today in my spiritual journey. I know without any doubt that God was working through Tom to start my healing process.
God is not through with me yet, and I cling to the promise that He will complete the work that was started in me. There were many twists and turns on my path, and I look forward to where the Lord is leading me on my journey.
As a side note…the counseling/therapy sessions were extremely difficult work. I was very emotional, and it was very painful facing and reliving some hidden and/or forgotten realities of my life. Through this stressful time, my husband showed me what was truly in his heart. He was totally there for me, supporting and loving me through everything. That was the turning part of our marriage…when I realized my husband would never leave me. It was the time when I learned that I could trust him with my life.
All things work toward good for those who love him!
Thank you Lord for loving me, and for shining your light of love and mercy into the dark places of my soul.
Even when I cannot feel your presence…there you are.
Even when I struggle and fall…there you are.
Even through my suffering…there you are.
Jesus, help me to always be open to your love, mercy and grace.
And help me to be a channel of your love, so I can touch those hearts you have entrusted me with.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28